Generous Compassion

This reflection talks about a conflict between two tendencies: One is the tendency to pursue our own interests at the expense of those of other people. The other is to spend ourselves in the service of others even at great cost.  Basically: Selfishness vs. Generosity. The reflection leans toward the later and says that compassion is key to acquiring the tendency to be generous. I kinda struggle with this in my job. As a nurse aide, I give care to elderly people out of compassion. Not everyone can do this. I mean there are a lot of queasy things to deal with such as smells and body fluids, and aggression when they become combative (I have the bruises to prove it). Verbal abuse when you are called a 'bitch' 'dumb-dumb' 'the devil' just to name a few. I have to basically through all of this keep my composure and be nice to them. I try to keep myself thinking that I'm doing this out of compassion, but then again I get a pay check, which can be seen as selfish. I guess though, when you give out of generosity you then also receive. It's not selfish to receive if we are giving in return. This is a great paradox! I give a lot of myself in my job, even at the hardest times, in the end it's still rewarding. Whether I receive a 'thank-you' or a hug, (or a kiss cuz these old ladies love to give you a kiss on the cheek!) I guess it's going to be enough. My reward in Heaven will be the greatest. I don't make very much money doing this but I think it helps make me feel less selfish.

To See The Light

This reflection talks about spiritual blindness and the complacency that effects it. The first question asks: How on earth are we to break out of this vicious circle? I have an answer that's a little too easy. Well there is the new translation of the English Roman Missal. Mass is no longer something we go to blindly saying the lines. Now we are a little more aware of what we are saying. Sometimes the things we are saying are a little weird or awkward. We become curious as to why we are now saying those things. This can (I say can, cuz many won't) look into what those answers are by educating ourselves. Through this we come into a better understanding of the Mass and we are no longer complacent with it but are finding out new and exciting things about it everyday!
Question #2 (which is really a series of 3 questions): Let us ask if we are wholly and unreservedly living for God? Or do we allow ourselves to listen to the first whisperings of evil, of resentment, of anger against another? Do we give way to curious, interfering reflections on our neighbors, to doubt, anxiety, depression, scruples and so forth? We probably could say yes, (I envy those who truly can) but that is a very hard thing to do. If we are spiritually blind then we aren't seeing what we need to fix in our lives. Like the verse that says something like don't point out the splinter in another's eye until you see the plank in your own. Everyday we are faced with things that we need to say "Will going this way make me live for or against God?" It's an ongoing battle.

The Language of Justice

Wow, I've been majorly slacking!!! I blame it on the ridiculously intense work weekend:  Long hours, under-staffing and the fact that the Assisted Living I work at has pretty much in the last 3 weeks become a full-blown Nursing Home. I'm just physically and mentally drained and love that I get to sleep in tomorrow! I also get to work Noc Shift which will be a welcome change cuz I love to stay up all night!!

Now on to my reflection for the day (or for a few days ago)
In this reflection there are no questions so I basically get to ponder what I like about it! The Gospel from today is what I refer to as the "Three Little Pigs" Gospel. Except instead of Straw, Sticks and Bricks we have Sand and a Rock. If we are like the first and second pig, who built their houses out of Straw and Sticks we are like the fool who built his home on the Sand. However, if we are like the third pig and build our house out of Bricks, we are like the wise man who built his house on a Rock. The reflection tells us that: "Today's texts are utterly realistic; they force us to look at the world we have made." As I look at the world I have made I can see that in places I have been wise and my foundation is strong. As I said earlier my weekend was pretty intense and the only opportunity I had of going to Mass was last night at the UWSP Newman 6:00pm (sinner's) Mass. Even though that is always my last resort mass (for reasons I won't get into now) I still went because it was my only option.
After I had gotten done with work I went to my grandma's house since I had 3 hours to kill. She lives a mile away from my work and where Mass was. When I got to her house she asked why I was there, cuz I needed to go to Mass and I didn't want to drive 20 minutes home to turn around and come right back into town. She told me that I could've just went home and not gone to Mass. It doesn't matter if you miss one. She has lost her faith long ago so for her it's not important. What kind of foundation did my faith have that day? That of a rock. I was able to tell her that, no I have to go. I chose to go out of town Saturday evening and made the decision to go to the sinner's Mass. It would've been easy to say to her, you know what? You are right! I've been up since 4:30am and worked my butt off for 9 hours! I should just go home and sit and relax! That would be the answer, had I built my faith on Sand. This reflection states that: "Jesus is asking us to listen, to truly hear God's word so deeply that there is no question about what we are to do...But we are to act for justice, trusting in what God has told us through the words of His prophets and His Son." There is no question. I not only have to go to Mass but it's a need! If I would've skipped out, this week would've been empty, and weird. One of the hardest people in my life right now to defend my faith to is my grandma. I am glad that my foundation is getting stronger and that I can stick to my beliefs and tell her that it is important that I go to Mass because it's not always about my comforts but what I need to do for the sake of my salvation. I have to obey what God wants even though I am ready to pass out from exhaustion. I have now been spiritually fed and am glad I am because this week has only gotten more the crazy and I need the Eucharist to keep my going. So far it's working!

Let Us Imitate What We Venerate

Random Fact: I get the titles of my posts from the reflection title. I get the reflections from a book called "Give Us The Day" Which is basically like a Magnificat. It has morning and evening prayer and the Mass readings. Then it has two reflections. I have been commenting on the ones before evening prayer.

Today's Questions are as follows:

1. How many of His miracles do we see?
2. How much suffering do we endure?
3. How many harsh warnings threaten us?

 Well today is the feast of St. Andrew and the Gospel is about when Jesus called him to be a "Fisher of Men." Before the questions are posed to the reader, it tells us that Andrew left his nets and followed Jesus. He had seen Christ perform no miracles, and had heard nothing about Him. However, a single command was given and he said YES! I have seen countless miracles from Jesus all the time. They may not be these huge, walk-on-water type of miracles, but they are small ones that occur on an everyday basis. Ones that mean nothing to any one else but me! Those are the best ones I think! As far as suffering, we are in for a lot of it, especially if we are going to follow Jesus. He never said it was gonna be easy, He only said it would be worth it! Now how many harsh warnings threaten us? Countless! If we are truly going to imitate what we venerate (i.e. Mary and the Saints) we have to try to live like they live. This reflection was written by Gregory the Great. He said "Let us despise what is earthly; let us leave behind what is temporal and purchase what is eternal." Those are some hard commands, kinda like when Andrew left it all behind and followed Christ. The closest I ever came to leaving it all behind was when I lived in Europe. I left all behind except 2 suitcases and a backpack. For what I am accustomed to it was like leaving everything behind. To leave everything behind would be difficult, but not impossible. And now I will stop my ramblings :)

Childlike Wonder

There are four questions for me to ponder in my reflection tonight. They are:

1. How do we who are no longer children receive the mysteries of the reign of God?
2. Is there a place in our hearts for childlike wonder?
3. For taking delight in promises?
4. For expecting great things?

 These are easy questions, but the are also really tough when you answer them honestly. Question one reminds  me of my CCD kids. They are high school sophomores at the ages of 15 and 16. They are volatile. They are young but they are no longer 'children'. However when they are taught the truth they seem to not want to receive these mysteries of light. One has even called me 'weird' in the sense of how could I even believe in this crap or live like that. I remember when I once was that same way. The world revolved around me (hey, I'm not gonna lie, some days it still does ;) and I didn't care about God or a lot of things for that matter. But many years and small conversions later I have gotten to where I am today. How do I receive these mysteries of the reign of God? I'd have to say in two ways: 1) In Awe and Wonder or 2) In disgust. And these are usually my first impressions. Take for example the New Translation of the English Roman Missal. I thought it was ridiculous the first time I heard some of the changes. However, over time and education, it turned to Awe and Wonder. Now, I LOVE it! So when I receive new wonders, I need to work on receiving them in awe. To want to get to know why they are that way and then I usually fall in love with the wisdom.
This brings me to the second question. Yes, there is a place in our hearts for childlike wonder. Mine has some but it's definitely a work in progress. Hence the disgust part. I am not perfect and will never be, but I think I like myself a whole lot better when I have more of a childlike wonder in my heart.
To take delight in promises? Uh that's a hard one. This reflection talks about the 'new shoot' sprouting from Jesse's stump.  Issiah's "new shoot" is a person, Jesus. So if the promises I'm delighting in are those of Christ, I have to take delight in them, He only promises the best for me. From others, I'm a bit more skeptical I guess.
To expect great thing? We can't all receive great things all the time, otherwise nothing would be great. I guess I have to expect that God has great things for me otherwise I'd be a lousy Catholic. When those great things are to come to me, I haven't the foggiest idea, but when I look back at all the great things I have done in life, 85% of the time they were because God had put me there. There's no way I would've received any of those great things if I would've gone on my own path and not let God lead me to them.
These are great Advent questions that I'd probably have better answers for if it wasn't 2:30am. Oh I need some sleep, have to be up for work in 3 1/2 hours!

Many Will Come

Today's reflection is about letting your worries not trouble you and asking God to keep things in line. Sometimes that is hard for me. Next week I turn 26 (damn, I'm getting old!) and I don't even start nursing school for another 9 months. Now that I have a job in my career field, it's getting pretty mundane. I go to work. I come home, a lot of the time I fall asleep (been doing this since high school, waking up before 9am is not good for me) and wake up stay up all night, sleep a few hours and do it all over again. Of course there is the occasional day off and times I actually do stuff, but the most worrisome of it is what the heck am I gonna do when I actually finish nursing school. I really don't want to work at St. Michael's Hospital and I don't really want to live in Stevens Point, WI. When I look ahead past that time of graduation I get kinda worried, cuz all I see is a whitish/grey abyss. The part of today's reflection that hit me the most goes like this:

"Today may I know what I am: created, not self-made,
instructed to walk and work in God's ways."

Sometimes it's hard to trust in what God has in store. When I look at the past, not all of it is pretty and awesome. But a lot of it is. I guess when I let Him make the decisions I can do and accomplish some pretty awesome things. I mean I never thought I'd graduate college and now I'm already two years past completion of my 1st Bachelor's Degree. I'll end with another part of the reflection. Happy Monday.

"May the shriveled and disused part of my heart be bathed in God's mercy today,
that I might see sunlight for what it is: the gaze that beholds and heals us all."

Advent; Present and Alert

Today is Advent. The beginning of the Revised Translation of the Roman Missal. Since I worked this weekend, I went to Mass last night for the Sunday Vigil. As the lector took to the pulpit and for 20ish minutes read to us about the new translation, followed by father's explanation for another 10, I was thinking "Are you freaking kidding me? You waited until the day to do this? Where was the preparations beforehand? This should've been done in the months preceding, not tonight!" Father also announced that there would be no singing which was very ridiculous since we had been singing the new music for over a month. That was the only preparation we actually did (well except a poorly attended video explanation of it) and we couldn't even do that part?!?! I know I'm being very judgmental, however, I myself was prepared for this. I endured a 10+ hour lecture on this and I did my homework. I was SOOO excited for the change and then last night was just a crazy disappointment. I love my church. It's beyond gorgeous, but I was so disappointed at how it was played out. It was just chaotic. Not this beautiful thing. I'm hoping it gets better, because I LOVE this new translation. I really do. I was leery at first, but I made my peace with it. I did my homework and was prepared. I just wish I could say the rest of my parish was as well. After reading a reflection today it gave me a question to ponder/pray about. The reflection ended this way:

"We face four weeks of fairly relentless activity; point and shoot (the reflection was about a photographer). But the liturgy is calling us in another direction, toward mindfulness, toward vigil and alertness. Is there some wisdom in these readings that can help us negotiate this tension?"

What pops out to me in this is the word 'vigil'. As I worked this weekend I was able to keep a vigil with one of our residents as she was actively dying and entered into eternal life this earlier this afternoon. Life is such a gift and  to be there with a person in their last moments is something special and unique. Her death was so peaceful and she was surrounded by all of her family members. It was such a blessing, it was so humbling to be able to care for her these last few months. To see her from my day one to her last day. To be able to hold her hand and pray for her (not with, that's against policy, stupid is what I call it). The gospel says that we need to be watchful! Be alert! You do not know when the time will come. Death can come on all too quickly. As in this case, just the other day she told me, "Well if it's cute, it's worth saying hi to." And today she is in a different place entirely. Not to be too morbid, but as I was able to wash her body and get it ready to be taken to the funeral home, I felt like I was doing a great service for her. To give her dignity in her last moments in the place she called home for the last few years. After you watch someone die, you change your whole outlook on life. It is such a gift. You treasure the moments you have with people. You do not know the time or the place when you will meet the God of the Universe face-to-face.

Eternal rest grant unto her O, Lord. And let the perpetual light shine upon her.  May she and all the faithful departed through the mercy of God rest in peace. Amen.

 (After I published this it cut off the end. So I made up a new one, but I don't think it's as good as the original. Oh technology, you suck!)