Generous Compassion

This reflection talks about a conflict between two tendencies: One is the tendency to pursue our own interests at the expense of those of other people. The other is to spend ourselves in the service of others even at great cost.  Basically: Selfishness vs. Generosity. The reflection leans toward the later and says that compassion is key to acquiring the tendency to be generous. I kinda struggle with this in my job. As a nurse aide, I give care to elderly people out of compassion. Not everyone can do this. I mean there are a lot of queasy things to deal with such as smells and body fluids, and aggression when they become combative (I have the bruises to prove it). Verbal abuse when you are called a 'bitch' 'dumb-dumb' 'the devil' just to name a few. I have to basically through all of this keep my composure and be nice to them. I try to keep myself thinking that I'm doing this out of compassion, but then again I get a pay check, which can be seen as selfish. I guess though, when you give out of generosity you then also receive. It's not selfish to receive if we are giving in return. This is a great paradox! I give a lot of myself in my job, even at the hardest times, in the end it's still rewarding. Whether I receive a 'thank-you' or a hug, (or a kiss cuz these old ladies love to give you a kiss on the cheek!) I guess it's going to be enough. My reward in Heaven will be the greatest. I don't make very much money doing this but I think it helps make me feel less selfish.