A Permanent Tent

This reflection has NOTHING to do with St. John the Baptist!!! He just seems to be taking over them, so it's refreshing to not have to think about him.

Today's reflection talks about how we are nomads. We can't stay in one place for long. We set up our tent and then something happen and we take it down and pitch it elsewhere. When I was a senior in high school I was scarred shitless of moving away. So I went to a college in my hometown and lived at home. Well 3 years later I picked up my tent and pitched it 850 miles away. My high school self would've told you you were crazy if you would've told me that. Then 2 years after that, I picked up my tent and pitched it roughly 4493 miles away in Austria (the distance calculator let me choose Innsbruck, Austria not Gaming, so the miles are not perfectly correct). We humans on earth, have no idea what permanence is, we are always changing. When the Arc Angel Gabriel visited Our Lady at the Annunciation, he announces God's promise of 'forever' and 'will have no end.' No matter where we pitch our tents, they will never stay until we pitch them in Heaven. That's where I plan to pitch mine for the last time. Hopefully I get to!

Jesus has DNA!

Today's Gospel is kinda crazy. It contains many names. Some very recognizable (Isaac), some unpronounceable (Amminadab?), some hilarious (Ram! teehee), some that sound like exclamations (Jehosaphat!). I think it's really cool that sacred scripture can trace back Jesus to Adam, the first man. I can only trace my ancestors back to my great-great-great-great grandparents on my mother's mother's side of the family. This is only due to the fact that one of my distant cousins decided to put all this up on a website. What is even more cool is that even though Jesus didn't have children, you can still trace all of the popes back to him. I find it ridiculously amazing that this is documented so well. Yay for scripture!!!

Universal Love

In summary, the reflection today is about how it is possible to bring people together in love.  In today's Gospel (John 5:33-36) Jesus is addressing the Jews saying that John (oh, it's about John again ;) was a burning and shining lamp who gave a testimony. However, Jesus says that He has a greater testimony, the Father sent Him to accomplish many works. We are all given many works, some that are fun, easy, enjoyable. Others that are annoying, hard, boring. Which of these tasks do we accomplish with love, especially love that brings others together or even love to them? I really and truly like my job. I like what I do. I don't like the pay, but it is what it is for the time being. Even though I may like my job, it's not always easy. I care for combative residents that are usually not grateful for what I do for them. However, I need to stay positive and put love into what I do. When I do, I am not only happier, but there seems to be more of a positive atmosphere around me. That's how I spread love in my everyday routine.

John the Voice: Christ the Word

So there have been an awful lot of reflections about John the Baptist. This is another one. This one talks about how Christ is the Word and John is the Voice. Without the Word, there is no Voice, just a noise. John has said that Christ must increase and he must decrease. If we just have a voice and no word, what we are saying can just be a bunch of nonsensical gibberish. If we speak with the Word on our lips, we become wise and bring others to the Word. I definitely need to work on this.

Kindness and Truth, Justice and Peace

Today's reflection really didn't do anything for me. (I like saying that, cuz a lot of the times people give me a strange look when I say it). I think that it's okay. You aren't always going to get some profound thing out of everything and sometimes you read it and think, eh?! Carry on. I feel this way sometimes when I'm reading morning or evening prayer and then I read the scripture which is followed by the Lectio Divina. A lot of the times, nothing in that particular passage sticks out to me enough to read, pray, or ponder enough on it to make it mean something to me. If it was like that every time, some things wouldn't be as special as they are. Everything would start to get bland and mundane. The reflection is a beautiful contrast between St. John the Baptist and St. John of the Cross, but I got nothing. The title, came from the Psalms today (85:10). But still, I'm at a loss.
Ten days until Christmas....

The Lord Hears the Cry of the Poor

I read this title and in my head I sing: "The Lord hears the cry of the poor, blessed be the Lord!" -Psalm 34:7a

Today's reflection was written by one of my favorite Catholics. Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta. It was taken from her book "Total Surrender" which I own and have read and LOVE! Total surrender teaches us how to be a Missionary of Charity. It was written as the rule book for Mother's order, but ANYONE can take her writings and teachings and apply them to his or her everyday life. She is so wise in this way. This particular selection is about being a good co-worker. We have to rise together and fall together. That apple doesn't fall too far from the "You're only as strong as the weakest player" tree. She ends this particular part with a quote as if Jesus Himself, is speaking it:

"I want you to be my fire of love among the poor, the sick, the dying,
and the little children - the poor I want you to bring to me."

 I get to work with the sick and dying, in fact when I arrived at work this morning, one of our residents had just passed. He had only lived in the house for about a week and a half, however I was able to care for him. He was a difficult resident and he required much more than we could give him, but we did our best. For most things, we needed to have 2 if not 3 of us doing cares at the same time for him. We had to come together as co-workers to help him and I really feel that we were living out Mother's call when we cared for this man. Not only him but for each and everyone of our residents. Eternal rest grant unto him O Lord, and let the perpetual light shine upon him. May he and all the faithful departed through the mercy of God rest in peace. Amen.

A Deed of Hope

Happy Feast Day of Our Lady of Guadalupe!

This reflection talks about our Lady and how she brings people closer to her son. The part I liked the best out of this reflection was this quote:

"Mary proves time and time again her willingness to take on our many colors and languages:  to become Mother to the Body of Christ in history."

 I have had the privilege of making a pilgrimage to four Marian Apparition sites around the world. Three are approved by the church, one is not (only because in order to be approved, the apparitions need to cease, and this one has yet to cease.) The four I have visited thus far are:

Our Lady of Knock in Knock, County Mayo Ireland. 

 Our Lady of Fatima in Fatima, Portugal. 

 Our Lady of Peace in Medjugorje, Bosnia & Herzegovina. 

And most recently, Our Lady of Good Help in Champion, Wisconsin USA.  

Each of these woman are the same. Mary, the Blessed Virgin, the Mother of God. She has many different titles and each place she appears differently. If she is our mother, she has to look like us, and I think this shows the universality of the church. It relates to all and makes everyone feel accepted. The coolest thing about this is that Our Lady of Good Help appeared about 2 hours away from where I live, so I will probably be making a few pilgrimages out to Champion. I'm so blessed by that. I would love to go back to the other places, but we'll see where life takes me!

Rejoice and Give Thanks

St. Paul tells us to pray without ceasing. When I look at my week, if I go to Mass and receive the Eucharist, there's a completeness there. I can make it through the week. When I do not, like today (due to having too much Birthday last night and sleeping through it) I feel an emptiness. So for the rest of this week I will not feel complete. I'll most likely slack in prayer, most likely out of shame for being stupid at getting wasted and missing Mass. So back to praying without ceasing: With this new book it gives me petitions that the universal church prays and then I'm able to add my own petitions. There are always the general ones I pray for every day, such as the intentions of my sisters in Regina Angelorum and the ones that are random. Some dear to my heart and always for the requests of others. It's impossible to remember all what I was asked to pray for so they get lumped into a standard "for all those intentions I was asked to pray for..." If I am able to start my day off praying I seem to think about prayer throughout the day. Adding in standard prayers and just thoughts of things I want to talk to God about. The best thing sometimes about praying without ceasing is to thank God for things throughout the day. Especially when it's constant mental prayer. Inside your head, you are all giddy. Like a kid on Christmas. Well, I'm just going to end this random post because it's starting to not make sense. :)

The Spirit of John the Baptist

Today is my Birthday! I'm old now. Haha, I've been old for awhile, so what's new with that?!

Not to go into any detail but this part of the reflection means so much to an event (like I said, no details) that happened today:

"The certainty rising from all the graves of disappointments, that even the cry in the wilderness will be heard by someone, and that all that sowing of our tears will bring forth a harvest of joy, even if only in the storehouses of eternal life. Readiness to undertake a further journey even when we had thought that at last we were home forever."

That is all.

Fasting and Feasting

So today I read about how life does not conform to our expectations. In my everyday life, I refer to this as not seeing the sailboat. To make a long story short, in the movie Mallrats (which is a pretty raunchy movie, but it makes me laugh, don't judge) Wilhem stares at this magic eye all day without seeing it. As people pass by they stop for a moment and go, "WOW! A Sailboat!!!" which just irritates the crap out of Wilhem. Eventually in the end Wilhem does see the sailboat! However, we never see this. So to go back to life not conforming to our expectations, it talks about us not basically getting our way and we always end up with the response that we do not like the outcome. We all have days when we don't see the sailboat, and those days suck. However, if we were to ALWAYS see the sailboat, life would get boring and that would suck too. To tie in the title of this reflection, I can look to the days of not seeing the sailboat as my 'fasting days' when things don't go right, and when things do go right and I see the sailboat, those are my days to feast. In the end, they kinda balance out. Some of each, not one more than the other. I guess to appreciate each one you have to have the other. And that's my two cents.

Before the Foundation of the World

Ave Maria! Our Lady of the Immaculate Conception -ora pro nobis-

I often wonder what kind of spiritual warfare Our Lady had to endure. She was the strongest woman ever to exist! To resist ALL temptation!?!? I think I'm strong, but then again, I so easily fall. What kind of a person could I be if I had even an ounce of her strength? I guess I have to keep trying. I was called to exist for the praise of God's glory. I just need to try harder.

Festive Fellowship

Today's reflection talks about how no matter who you are or what you do, everyone can come into a church and not feel rejected. Well, good sir (Fr. Virgilio) I object! It may be my bitterness towards a select few who have basically tried to vote me off the island of teaching. I was told I didn't belong and should stop showing up. I basically got kicked down and then stepped on a few times. It hurt and it sucked. But to go on, I agree that you should come to the church when you are tired and burdened. That's what I did, I went to prayer. Eventually I got through it and I'm fine with the outcome (all though I don't think others were). God puts you in places and situations and gets you through them. I'm just glad I went to him instead of going with my first instinct to say "Eff You All!!!" and walk out. No I lifted my head high and I did the right thing! Not to be boastful or prideful, but I did what Jesus would want me to do. I still don't necessarily feel accepted into that particular parish but, at least it's over now.

Comfort, Give Comfort

Today's reflection is about mending any brokenness you may have with another. Whether it is a little thing, or a huge thing. Easier said than done, right? While that is a really good thing, I like better the ending of the reflection when it says to find someone to be extra gracious to today. I did that a few times today and it feels good too, as the reflections says: "Stand back and watch the kingdom break forth."

The One Who Comes

Today's reflection is a poem and instead of me giving my confusing two-cents about it, I'll just share the poem. Happy Monday!

The One Who Comes

You are the Other for whom we wait,
Jesus, Word and response,

you are our only song,

Emmanuel in our silences.

Are you the one who is to come

to make our deserts bloom,

to free our hearts,

to bring our seeds to life

by the waters of the Jordan?

You are the Other for whom we wait,

Jesus, Source of living water,

you are the springtime for the grain,

Emmanuel in our deserts.

Are you the one who is to come

and who comes each day

to free our lives,

to stir up breath

by the movement of your own?

You are the Other for whom we wait,

Jesus, the world's strength,

you are the Living One who returns,

Emmanuel, God-with-us.

20 Days Until Christmas!

Prepare the Way of the Lord!

"Where there is a loss of the sense of sin, the work of Christ in taking away the sins of the world becomes meaningless."
- Fr. Michael Casey

 As we are quickly plowing our way through the Advent Season, how are we doing in our sense of 'Preparing the Way of the Lord?' What have we improved on during the 1st week of Advent? Has our prayer life gotten stronger? Have we given anything extra to those who are in need? Have we looked at our lives and where there is a need for change? To confess a sin we may never have considered a sin before? The above quote is so true, I have found myself in the last few years realizing that I've been doing things that are sinful and through God's grace, especially in the confessional, I've been able to realize that they are sins and start to slowly overcome them. No one said it was going to happen overnight. Sometimes it takes years.

"In our own lives...if we are to prepare a way for the Lord we need to rediscover our own need for redemption, as individuals, as communities and nations, and as the church."

We may think we are doing good, but there are so many things that need healing, change and restoration by the saving blood of the Lamb. We all want a pure heart, whether we are to admit it or not. A goal this next week in advent could be to strive for that purer heart.

Generous Compassion

This reflection talks about a conflict between two tendencies: One is the tendency to pursue our own interests at the expense of those of other people. The other is to spend ourselves in the service of others even at great cost.  Basically: Selfishness vs. Generosity. The reflection leans toward the later and says that compassion is key to acquiring the tendency to be generous. I kinda struggle with this in my job. As a nurse aide, I give care to elderly people out of compassion. Not everyone can do this. I mean there are a lot of queasy things to deal with such as smells and body fluids, and aggression when they become combative (I have the bruises to prove it). Verbal abuse when you are called a 'bitch' 'dumb-dumb' 'the devil' just to name a few. I have to basically through all of this keep my composure and be nice to them. I try to keep myself thinking that I'm doing this out of compassion, but then again I get a pay check, which can be seen as selfish. I guess though, when you give out of generosity you then also receive. It's not selfish to receive if we are giving in return. This is a great paradox! I give a lot of myself in my job, even at the hardest times, in the end it's still rewarding. Whether I receive a 'thank-you' or a hug, (or a kiss cuz these old ladies love to give you a kiss on the cheek!) I guess it's going to be enough. My reward in Heaven will be the greatest. I don't make very much money doing this but I think it helps make me feel less selfish.

To See The Light

This reflection talks about spiritual blindness and the complacency that effects it. The first question asks: How on earth are we to break out of this vicious circle? I have an answer that's a little too easy. Well there is the new translation of the English Roman Missal. Mass is no longer something we go to blindly saying the lines. Now we are a little more aware of what we are saying. Sometimes the things we are saying are a little weird or awkward. We become curious as to why we are now saying those things. This can (I say can, cuz many won't) look into what those answers are by educating ourselves. Through this we come into a better understanding of the Mass and we are no longer complacent with it but are finding out new and exciting things about it everyday!
Question #2 (which is really a series of 3 questions): Let us ask if we are wholly and unreservedly living for God? Or do we allow ourselves to listen to the first whisperings of evil, of resentment, of anger against another? Do we give way to curious, interfering reflections on our neighbors, to doubt, anxiety, depression, scruples and so forth? We probably could say yes, (I envy those who truly can) but that is a very hard thing to do. If we are spiritually blind then we aren't seeing what we need to fix in our lives. Like the verse that says something like don't point out the splinter in another's eye until you see the plank in your own. Everyday we are faced with things that we need to say "Will going this way make me live for or against God?" It's an ongoing battle.

The Language of Justice

Wow, I've been majorly slacking!!! I blame it on the ridiculously intense work weekend:  Long hours, under-staffing and the fact that the Assisted Living I work at has pretty much in the last 3 weeks become a full-blown Nursing Home. I'm just physically and mentally drained and love that I get to sleep in tomorrow! I also get to work Noc Shift which will be a welcome change cuz I love to stay up all night!!

Now on to my reflection for the day (or for a few days ago)
In this reflection there are no questions so I basically get to ponder what I like about it! The Gospel from today is what I refer to as the "Three Little Pigs" Gospel. Except instead of Straw, Sticks and Bricks we have Sand and a Rock. If we are like the first and second pig, who built their houses out of Straw and Sticks we are like the fool who built his home on the Sand. However, if we are like the third pig and build our house out of Bricks, we are like the wise man who built his house on a Rock. The reflection tells us that: "Today's texts are utterly realistic; they force us to look at the world we have made." As I look at the world I have made I can see that in places I have been wise and my foundation is strong. As I said earlier my weekend was pretty intense and the only opportunity I had of going to Mass was last night at the UWSP Newman 6:00pm (sinner's) Mass. Even though that is always my last resort mass (for reasons I won't get into now) I still went because it was my only option.
After I had gotten done with work I went to my grandma's house since I had 3 hours to kill. She lives a mile away from my work and where Mass was. When I got to her house she asked why I was there, cuz I needed to go to Mass and I didn't want to drive 20 minutes home to turn around and come right back into town. She told me that I could've just went home and not gone to Mass. It doesn't matter if you miss one. She has lost her faith long ago so for her it's not important. What kind of foundation did my faith have that day? That of a rock. I was able to tell her that, no I have to go. I chose to go out of town Saturday evening and made the decision to go to the sinner's Mass. It would've been easy to say to her, you know what? You are right! I've been up since 4:30am and worked my butt off for 9 hours! I should just go home and sit and relax! That would be the answer, had I built my faith on Sand. This reflection states that: "Jesus is asking us to listen, to truly hear God's word so deeply that there is no question about what we are to do...But we are to act for justice, trusting in what God has told us through the words of His prophets and His Son." There is no question. I not only have to go to Mass but it's a need! If I would've skipped out, this week would've been empty, and weird. One of the hardest people in my life right now to defend my faith to is my grandma. I am glad that my foundation is getting stronger and that I can stick to my beliefs and tell her that it is important that I go to Mass because it's not always about my comforts but what I need to do for the sake of my salvation. I have to obey what God wants even though I am ready to pass out from exhaustion. I have now been spiritually fed and am glad I am because this week has only gotten more the crazy and I need the Eucharist to keep my going. So far it's working!

Let Us Imitate What We Venerate

Random Fact: I get the titles of my posts from the reflection title. I get the reflections from a book called "Give Us The Day" Which is basically like a Magnificat. It has morning and evening prayer and the Mass readings. Then it has two reflections. I have been commenting on the ones before evening prayer.

Today's Questions are as follows:

1. How many of His miracles do we see?
2. How much suffering do we endure?
3. How many harsh warnings threaten us?

 Well today is the feast of St. Andrew and the Gospel is about when Jesus called him to be a "Fisher of Men." Before the questions are posed to the reader, it tells us that Andrew left his nets and followed Jesus. He had seen Christ perform no miracles, and had heard nothing about Him. However, a single command was given and he said YES! I have seen countless miracles from Jesus all the time. They may not be these huge, walk-on-water type of miracles, but they are small ones that occur on an everyday basis. Ones that mean nothing to any one else but me! Those are the best ones I think! As far as suffering, we are in for a lot of it, especially if we are going to follow Jesus. He never said it was gonna be easy, He only said it would be worth it! Now how many harsh warnings threaten us? Countless! If we are truly going to imitate what we venerate (i.e. Mary and the Saints) we have to try to live like they live. This reflection was written by Gregory the Great. He said "Let us despise what is earthly; let us leave behind what is temporal and purchase what is eternal." Those are some hard commands, kinda like when Andrew left it all behind and followed Christ. The closest I ever came to leaving it all behind was when I lived in Europe. I left all behind except 2 suitcases and a backpack. For what I am accustomed to it was like leaving everything behind. To leave everything behind would be difficult, but not impossible. And now I will stop my ramblings :)

Childlike Wonder

There are four questions for me to ponder in my reflection tonight. They are:

1. How do we who are no longer children receive the mysteries of the reign of God?
2. Is there a place in our hearts for childlike wonder?
3. For taking delight in promises?
4. For expecting great things?

 These are easy questions, but the are also really tough when you answer them honestly. Question one reminds  me of my CCD kids. They are high school sophomores at the ages of 15 and 16. They are volatile. They are young but they are no longer 'children'. However when they are taught the truth they seem to not want to receive these mysteries of light. One has even called me 'weird' in the sense of how could I even believe in this crap or live like that. I remember when I once was that same way. The world revolved around me (hey, I'm not gonna lie, some days it still does ;) and I didn't care about God or a lot of things for that matter. But many years and small conversions later I have gotten to where I am today. How do I receive these mysteries of the reign of God? I'd have to say in two ways: 1) In Awe and Wonder or 2) In disgust. And these are usually my first impressions. Take for example the New Translation of the English Roman Missal. I thought it was ridiculous the first time I heard some of the changes. However, over time and education, it turned to Awe and Wonder. Now, I LOVE it! So when I receive new wonders, I need to work on receiving them in awe. To want to get to know why they are that way and then I usually fall in love with the wisdom.
This brings me to the second question. Yes, there is a place in our hearts for childlike wonder. Mine has some but it's definitely a work in progress. Hence the disgust part. I am not perfect and will never be, but I think I like myself a whole lot better when I have more of a childlike wonder in my heart.
To take delight in promises? Uh that's a hard one. This reflection talks about the 'new shoot' sprouting from Jesse's stump.  Issiah's "new shoot" is a person, Jesus. So if the promises I'm delighting in are those of Christ, I have to take delight in them, He only promises the best for me. From others, I'm a bit more skeptical I guess.
To expect great thing? We can't all receive great things all the time, otherwise nothing would be great. I guess I have to expect that God has great things for me otherwise I'd be a lousy Catholic. When those great things are to come to me, I haven't the foggiest idea, but when I look back at all the great things I have done in life, 85% of the time they were because God had put me there. There's no way I would've received any of those great things if I would've gone on my own path and not let God lead me to them.
These are great Advent questions that I'd probably have better answers for if it wasn't 2:30am. Oh I need some sleep, have to be up for work in 3 1/2 hours!

Many Will Come

Today's reflection is about letting your worries not trouble you and asking God to keep things in line. Sometimes that is hard for me. Next week I turn 26 (damn, I'm getting old!) and I don't even start nursing school for another 9 months. Now that I have a job in my career field, it's getting pretty mundane. I go to work. I come home, a lot of the time I fall asleep (been doing this since high school, waking up before 9am is not good for me) and wake up stay up all night, sleep a few hours and do it all over again. Of course there is the occasional day off and times I actually do stuff, but the most worrisome of it is what the heck am I gonna do when I actually finish nursing school. I really don't want to work at St. Michael's Hospital and I don't really want to live in Stevens Point, WI. When I look ahead past that time of graduation I get kinda worried, cuz all I see is a whitish/grey abyss. The part of today's reflection that hit me the most goes like this:

"Today may I know what I am: created, not self-made,
instructed to walk and work in God's ways."

Sometimes it's hard to trust in what God has in store. When I look at the past, not all of it is pretty and awesome. But a lot of it is. I guess when I let Him make the decisions I can do and accomplish some pretty awesome things. I mean I never thought I'd graduate college and now I'm already two years past completion of my 1st Bachelor's Degree. I'll end with another part of the reflection. Happy Monday.

"May the shriveled and disused part of my heart be bathed in God's mercy today,
that I might see sunlight for what it is: the gaze that beholds and heals us all."

Advent; Present and Alert

Today is Advent. The beginning of the Revised Translation of the Roman Missal. Since I worked this weekend, I went to Mass last night for the Sunday Vigil. As the lector took to the pulpit and for 20ish minutes read to us about the new translation, followed by father's explanation for another 10, I was thinking "Are you freaking kidding me? You waited until the day to do this? Where was the preparations beforehand? This should've been done in the months preceding, not tonight!" Father also announced that there would be no singing which was very ridiculous since we had been singing the new music for over a month. That was the only preparation we actually did (well except a poorly attended video explanation of it) and we couldn't even do that part?!?! I know I'm being very judgmental, however, I myself was prepared for this. I endured a 10+ hour lecture on this and I did my homework. I was SOOO excited for the change and then last night was just a crazy disappointment. I love my church. It's beyond gorgeous, but I was so disappointed at how it was played out. It was just chaotic. Not this beautiful thing. I'm hoping it gets better, because I LOVE this new translation. I really do. I was leery at first, but I made my peace with it. I did my homework and was prepared. I just wish I could say the rest of my parish was as well. After reading a reflection today it gave me a question to ponder/pray about. The reflection ended this way:

"We face four weeks of fairly relentless activity; point and shoot (the reflection was about a photographer). But the liturgy is calling us in another direction, toward mindfulness, toward vigil and alertness. Is there some wisdom in these readings that can help us negotiate this tension?"

What pops out to me in this is the word 'vigil'. As I worked this weekend I was able to keep a vigil with one of our residents as she was actively dying and entered into eternal life this earlier this afternoon. Life is such a gift and  to be there with a person in their last moments is something special and unique. Her death was so peaceful and she was surrounded by all of her family members. It was such a blessing, it was so humbling to be able to care for her these last few months. To see her from my day one to her last day. To be able to hold her hand and pray for her (not with, that's against policy, stupid is what I call it). The gospel says that we need to be watchful! Be alert! You do not know when the time will come. Death can come on all too quickly. As in this case, just the other day she told me, "Well if it's cute, it's worth saying hi to." And today she is in a different place entirely. Not to be too morbid, but as I was able to wash her body and get it ready to be taken to the funeral home, I felt like I was doing a great service for her. To give her dignity in her last moments in the place she called home for the last few years. After you watch someone die, you change your whole outlook on life. It is such a gift. You treasure the moments you have with people. You do not know the time or the place when you will meet the God of the Universe face-to-face.

Eternal rest grant unto her O, Lord. And let the perpetual light shine upon her.  May she and all the faithful departed through the mercy of God rest in peace. Amen.

 (After I published this it cut off the end. So I made up a new one, but I don't think it's as good as the original. Oh technology, you suck!)

Pumpkin Mania!!!

Last year, my cousin Kassandra asked me if I wanted to carve pumpkins cuz she had a bunch that randomly grew in her garden. How did they grow randomly? Well the year before, after carving pumpkins she threw the guts in her garden and the next autumn, pumpkins galore! I wasn't that thrilled at carving pumpkins or was really all that good at it. But nonetheless, we carved pumpkins that night, until about 4 in the morning when we realized that we didn't have any candles to light them up with. So that resulted in an impromptu trip to WalMart, which is the best time of day to go into WalMart. Since it was Halloween Weekend, we decided to wear wigs. So I wore a mullet wig and she wore a long haired blue wig. The looks were priceless, not to mention the fact that we saw a creepy looking person who was dressed up for Halloween but the way they were made us know that this is what that person dressed up as every day. Oh the people of WalMart...
I thought my pumpkins turned out pretty awesome! I did a new technique of scraping off the top layer of the pumpkin and it's now my favorite thing to do when carving pumpkins!

Nilla Almond!

My first attempt was to carve my dog Nilla. She was a yellow lab. It's not perfect but it is pretty cool. I was proud of myself. I don't remember the rest of the order, but they were also pretty cool. Not perfect, cuz I'm not an artist by any means, but pretty good for an amateur.

From Left: Witch, Bat over the Moon, Nilla, RIP & another Bat

Close Up of the Headstone and a bat flying over the Full Moon. The Bat pumpkin is green so it looked really cool in the light. The moon is pale because it was scraped, not carved.

The scraping is really cool but kinda hard to capture on camera. It probably has to do with the fact that I'm not a very good photographer. This years pumpkins are still in the making, I have carved 5 so far. When I am finished with them all I will share my handiwork! It was fun to bring up some old memories!

I think blogger hates me!

So in the past year or so as I've been very slowly writing in my blog, I enjoy more than ever reading other people's blogs. Especially blog  posts about Catholicism. If you haven't been creeping on me, you probably don't know this. I am one of, well now 5 Catechists for the Theology of the Body program at my Parish (Our Lady of Mt. Carmel) and another parish my priest administrates, St. James. We follow the book "Theology of the Body for Teens." The book is great, don't get me wrong, but there is sooooo much more to bring in. As a single person, my only real responsibilities are to myself and my jobs. I have no one else to care for or anyone who solely relies on me, unlike the other 4 Catechists that I tag-team teach with. They are all married and have children ranging from college age to one in the womb. The others have very little free time in which to research and find extra material in which to present outside of the text.
Like I said at the beginning, I love to read others blogs. And a lot of times, if there is something so good, a point that I can't pass up, I use it in class. This goes for amazing articles that people post on facebook as well. My mom is the DRE of my parish and she has heard the different viewpoints of all of us catechists. She feels that the program should evolve. The videos, to be blunt, kinda, sorta, really suck. They become increasingly boring. Especially when you have to watch them week after week. Don't get me wrong, they are full of incredibly good information. But when you add  23 fifteen year-olds in a room together, in which 95% of them just came from some sort of sports practice after a full day of school and no dinner and pop in these videos, this all equals sleepy teenagers who want to nap or screw around.
Any good teacher (or in my case, catechist) comes into teaching with their ideas. Year one you go through the material. You most likely rate your lessons: That was perfect, that was alright, could be better, that didn't work so good, that bombed, I'll never do that again, etc. Year two comes around and you reuse what works, eliminate what did not, and tweak what needs to be tweaked. You do this year after year. I came into teaching TOB last year when it was in it's third year at our parish. Two of the catechists were there from the beginning and there was myself and another newbie. Well after a year, I had pretty much ranked what we did into some of the above categories. This year we met as teachers. Mind you, one came back who taught the first two years. This caused the other newbie from last year to feel unnecessary and she stopped showing up.  Well we agreed to take certain subjects and group them and kinda teach it in it's entirety, instead of bringing it up in small doses as the chapters seem to skip around sometimes and very much so keep repeating themselves. Some of the students felt that we just kept repeating ourselves week after week. Another thing was to eliminate the videos. Well if there is something good to use, then show that aspect, but they aren't needed for every class.
So after 3 classes it seemed as if that wasn't working and it's slowly started to go back to what it was before with a lot of tangents going on. Tangents are good, if they can be brought back into the subject at hand, but 80% of the time it's off subject for the rest of class and the purpose of the class was never fully finished and we just move on.
As the DRE, my mom wanted to put together another outline, which I helped her with, since I am one of the Catechists. She sent it out to the 4 others and basically I was completely attacked tonight by it. Yes you can say that a lot of it was my input, but halfway through this discussion I had to ask the question, "Do you not want me here? Is that what you are getting at?" I am one to know when I am not wanted and I will up and leave. Part of my growing holier is to cut out things that are not bringing me closer to God. If I am doing nothing but offending the other Catechists because I want to go with the flow of evolving the program and the others want to go back to the "let's watch the video and see where it goes" then mayhaps, I should let them. In a certain sense, that may be the easy route, just let the program be lukewarm, not let it grow and let it remain complacent.
Then I think of the kids, my students. I truly feel like I can connect with them. I'm closer in age to them and they can relate to me better than the others who have 20, 30+ years on them.  I can stand up for my faith and answer the hard questions the way the church does, no matter how hard they try to justify that the world view is right. I am able to take these amazing blog posts, current events articles, papal documents and bring them into the classroom. I have the time and I enjoy doing it! I guess what I need to do is humble myself further and maybe just shut my mouth, which has gotten me in trouble in the past. I hands down LOVE teaching this subject. It challenges me to want to know more about my faith. I want to be able to answer the hard questions and at this point in my life, I am able to put a ton of effort into this! Jesus, allow me to see the plan you have for me. Give me that profound humility that your mother has. Give me the courage to stand up for the truth and to better the program or if it be your will that I walk away and move onto the next part of my life that you have in store for me.
In the end I think we all want to know why blogger hates me. Well it's the fact that when I look at all these blogs they are so personalized, they are artsy, they are pretty, cute and I for the life of me can not figure out how to make mine look good enough to reflect me. Everything I want to change gives me no options to do so and I just can't seem to make a color scheme pop! Ugh...oh well, it'll have to be the weird looking boring thing it's always been. One day, mayhaps, I'll get it to feel like 'me'. For now, I'll just not look at it too much. I guess I'll stop ranting now, but I think the best part of blogging is just getting to spill your guts when you just can't seem to do it any other way.

I'm trying to be a Morning Person

I really don't know why I'm still up but I am. Why would you be surprised that I'm still up at 12:26am? Well I've been working a first shift job all week! That's right kids, I have a big kid job! It only took me 25 years to get one, haha.
Here's how it all went down:
I sing at church every once in a while with three other people. One of those people is Deb. While we were rehearsing one evening she talked about a co-workers daughter who has a CNA job at an Assisted Living. This girl was going back to college and there was a need to fill her position. I became curious and actually had an application from back in January when I picked up applications from a handful of Assisted Livings. So I filled it out. I turned it in the next day (This was a Wednesday) and the next day I was called for an interview which would take place the next Tuesday. I went to my interview and was basically told that if my background check and references all checked out I'd be put on the schedule. The next day (Wednesday) I received a call while at work and it was about a job offer!!! I was sooooooooo excited! I had a big kid job!!! I was going to be making more money than I ever have and be getting a significant amount of hours (About 56-58 every 2 weeks!) I was going to be actually using one of my degrees! Well, certificate. I however, did not want to make the $118 for my CNA exam a waste, I really wanted to use it seeing as I am starting Nursing School next year.
My next step was to put in my two weeks notice at the Country Store. When I did my aunt shit a brick, she also proceeded to bitch me out for 10 minutes. I was really happy no customers came in at that time. She did apologize 10 minutes later and things were just kinda weird for my last two weeks. Oh well. At first I wasn't going to be replaced and 2 days before I was finished a "Now Hiring" sign went in the window. I think they should hire a man, that place lacks testosterone!!!
Anyways, last week Tuesday I started my new job under the title of CNA! Today I pretty much worked on my own and did fairly well. Except I forgot to empty a couple garbage cans. I hope they don't hate me now, but I'm still getting the hang of everything. I was so nervous about learning names cuz I'm soooo bad at it! However, to my surprise, I am pretty sure that I can remember ALL 22 of the residents names! HUZZAH!!! The best part about landing this job: I GET TO WEAR SCRUBS AGAIN!!! I was able to pull them out of retirement. I was like "I remember you! And I remember you! I can't wait to wear you again!" Okay, it really didn't go like that, but I was ridiculously excited to wear them again! I even went to Fleet Farm on Friday and bought two new scrub pants. One is light blue, the other dark purple. I just love how comfortable they are! The best part, I don't have to wear out my good clothes anymore at work. WIN!
So back to the question at hand, why am I feeling guilty for being up? Cuz I've been working 1st shift. Yes, this perpetual night owl is waking up at 5:30am. Tomorrow I have First Aide Training so I get to go in for 9 so I get to 'sleep in'. Haha. I've actually only slept past 10:00 once in like the last 4 weeks. Crazy. I must be becoming an adult. Now that's a scary thought!

Sailboats & Other Fairly Stupid Tales of my Current Life

I haven't posted anything in a while, and I don't think that it's a bad thing. I know that my blog pretty much goes unread, so whether I post or not, I don't think it matters. Therefore, I leave you with a list of things that have been going on in my life lately for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!

• No matter what, I think that as long as I shall live, I will freak out and hyperventilate when there is a tornado. As evidenced yesterday when one touched down very close to my house. Apparently the neighbors saw the funnel cloud/tornado out their window. I however, was huddled in the basement, bawling like a baby and praying a Divine Mercy Chaplet & Rosary. Needless to say, Our Lady & her Son won this battle cuz I'm still here as well as everything in my yard, untouched and unharmed. Afterwards I went to find a rainbow since it was still raining but the sun was shining, I didn't find a rainbow but got a few cool pictures of the post tornadic skies.

Standing in the field across the street from my house looking north

Then as I went down the road, I picked some Asparagus! 

• I LOVE Asparagus! I am very thankful that it grows wild on my road. This means that I get to pick it! It not only gives me a delicious meal, but I get some much needed exercise with my dog while I go to pick it. After reading Under the Tuscan Sun and being jealous that the author goes outside and harvests all this amazingly deliciously sounding food, I guess it's kind of the same thing. Starting with the Asparagus in the Spring, followed by onions, raspberries & peas then the countless other fruits and veggies (peppers, carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, broccoli, etc.) that I get to go outside and harvest whenever I become hungry.

Delicious Asparagus that I picked after the Storm! I know it's hard to see to the untrained eye, but there are Six 1-2' stalks!

       Which brings me to my next point:

• After reading Under the Tuscan Sun I became obsessed with herbs and have started growing basil and oregano. The worst part of this is that they are still baby plants and I can't harvest them yet! I am most looking forward to making fresh Pesto, which I fell in love with when I lived in Europe! The Country Store (or Nu U Foods, which is the Hell Hole I slave in) sells a Pesto, but it's a dried version that you add oil to and it's not the same.
• Point 4! My shitty job! Less than two weeks ago I checked my towns Hospital Job Site and they posted a CNA job. FINALLY! So I apply at like 2am Friday. Fast forward less than 12 hours and I get a phone call for a phone screening which I shall have Monday morning at 9am. It goes over very well because I'm asked to come in for a face-to-face interview on Wednesday at 8:30am. I do my best and am told I will hear by Friday or Monday (they really don't know, seeing as they have really nothing with them but blank pieces of paper to take notes.) Well it's Monday and I haven't been contacted yet. So I'm guessing that it's a no. I guess that means that my slave duties at the store (Whatever it's name is right now, I don't even know) still stand.
• So bring on the 5th point. I do the honest thing and I tell my Aunt that I have these interviews and by some miraculous chance, if I get the Full Time position, I will be quitting indefinitely. So what do they do? They hound me everyday since then as to if I got the job and went as far as getting a shit ton of applications (I kid you not, a stack of them!) and placing a "Now Accepting Applications" sign in the window. I even said, "Hey! I'm not dead yet! There are no guarantees I'll even get the Full Time, let alone the Part Time position I applied for!"
•  Oh yea, and I was told 2 weeks ago that they would be increasing my hours. At the time I was getting about 23 a week. The week after that I got 25, last week 28. This week 22.5! I don't know about you, but where I come from, that's a DECREASE!!! When I asked why it was like that because I was really confused, there was a "Well I don't know what it is that Jimmy wants you to do, but when I know I'll adjust the schedule..."(walk away). STORY OF MY FREAKING LIFE AT THIS SHITTY JOB!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.
• Bring on the 7th point! There is an option for switching occupations. With out explaining, there is a company interested in hiring me. What I would do is go to homes of people who need assistance and help them get ready for bed. It's basically a health care job and it pays pretty well with the opportunity for working full time. So it could get me some experience so that if I would get another opportunity to interview with the hospital, I would at least have some experience to back up my resume.
• Now to bring me to my most exciting part of this week (NOT!) I have to serve on Jury Duty Wednesday starting at 8am. PUKE! Oh and they say to show up 15 minutes early! I think I'll be rolling out of bed at 7:15 and looking like crap, cuz frankly, I DO NOT want to do this. I will be the most awful juror they could pick. So I'm hoping to be eliminated. The only positive thing I get out of this is a paycheck. THANK GOD!
• In conclusion, I had been seeing the damn sail boat of good things in life, but lately, that ship has sailed and now I feel just like Wilhem in Mallrats. Which is one of my favorite movies. I know there's a lot of bad stuff in it and as a Catholic I shouldn't watch it, but it's SOOOOOOOO damn funny! It is by far one of my favorite movies and I love it! To leave you I post a compilation of Wihlem's scenes in the movie. I feel all his frustration and hatred toward that damn sailboat and wish it would come back. Well I guess sometimes you win the ticket and sometimes the boat goes on without you. Enjoy!

10 (Well now 12) Things I found out While on Vacation at Franciscan

So I just had the opportunity to vacation in the wonderful land of Steubenville. Well, I guess the town isn't wonderful, but the campus and people are awesome! It's great the things you find out or learn when you've been absent for a year from a certain place. Enjoy!

1. My household (Regina Angelorum) literally made me cry. I have never been so blessed in all my life to be a part of my household. The beauty is astounding and what a privilege it was to be able to join them for Lord's Day, Choir, Maggie & Amy's Coordinator Induction, Praise & Worship, Business Meeting (yes, even Business Meeting!), Morning Mass & Breakfast!
2. I'm glad that I got to live with Libby, Kelly, Mari & Emily. They are amazing hosts! I found out that Mari is one of the coolest sisters I have! She's an amazing drummer! Emily can prance like a Gazel (Don't know how to spell that). Libby is a great pianist and makes delicious pancakes! And that Kelly  has a conspiracy going to make everyone move to North Carolina. It is tempting, I'd love to live by the ocean for a while. I'm so glad I got to spend time with all of them!
3. People still talk about my Austria Mission Trip to Portugal. I heard from two people (one I went with, one who I didn't go with) that people still mention all the crazy shit we did. Portugal Mission, I'm so proud of us!
4. If you are staying at someones house and want to give them a hospitality gift (such as money like I did), leave it as you leave. Then when you get threatening texts from them such as "I'm going to kill you Sam Klish!" you will already safely be a few hundred miles away. 0 : )
5. Fr. Seraphim is back on Main Campus, and I found this out when I went to Mass. Let's just say I had some Austria flashbacks...Moving on!
6. I finally heard Nicole play her harp! She serenaded me and now my life is complete. I can die, haha!
7. I love that I can see friends I haven't seen in a year and hang out and talk to them like it's only been a few days! I love friendships like that!
8.  Eastern time does screw with you. I know it's only an hour but for whatever reason it confuses your internal clock! (I have a confession to make, I already knew this, it's not new.)
9. The Canticle Guitar Accompaniment is the best thing ever. It is like being a kid in the candy store!
10.  When talking to JT, he told me he thought I was from California. So I was mistaken as a Cali Girl. I wonder if that's a good thing or a bad thing?
11. St. Pete's in Steubenville has the best priests for confession! I have and will definitely take advantage of that every time I go to Steubenville from here on out! What a blessing!
12.  My legacy is being followed in household. There are still some emo, fire-loving angels out there. I. Love. Them. Haha!!!

Well there you have it. Things I learned on vacation, for your viewing pleasure.

Graduation Breakfast

Earlier this week I was asked to speak at my Parish's Graduation Breakfast. We honor our graduating seniors now before life gets too hectic. I wasn't the first or the second person asked to speak, but the third. I hope that out of my ramblings, they got something out of it. So if you want to, you can read what I wrote. Enjoy!

Good Afternoon, Graduates, Family & Friends.
Please stand and join me in prayer:

Blessing of Graduates:

Before you were even formed, God knew you.
While in your Mother’s womb, God named you.
At your birth, God’s breath filled you with life.
Today, we celebrate what you have become at this moment in time. And so we pray:  God of our beginnings, we thank you for the gift of these graduates; their excitement, their awesome wonder & curiosity, their open speech & encouraging words. Their contributions have blessed & challenged us, & we have become a richer & more diverse community because of them.  (Pause)
God our Father, As they step forward into the world that awaits, comfort their fears with the full knowledge of your Divine presence.
Strengthen their resolve to walk in the footsteps of Jesus as modern-day disciples, in a world that needs their spirit.
Guide their feet as they move through life, protecting them from the pitfalls of darkness while they help to lead future generations into the warmth & promise of your light.
God our Father, we ask your blessings on them, today and everyday. Amen.
In the name of the Father & of the Son & of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Introduction:
Samantha Klish, Parishioner of St. Mary’s my whole life & a Catechist for the past 8 years.

Today I was asked to speak to you about what lies ahead as you go on and leave this chapter of your life behind.  In all honesty, I do not know what lies ahead. But what I do know, is that God has a plan for your life. As a graduate, a new adult in this scary, strange world, you will be faced with many decisions, challenges, rewards, pitfalls, failures & accomplishments.  There will be good times, bad times and all sorts of times in between. And I think that the unknowingness of the future is extremely exciting.

As I prepared for this speech, I reminisced about my life between my very own senior year of High School & now. What I found was this: it did not turn out the way I had planned!  When I look back on my plans as a graduating high school senior, I find that there was a very definitive thing missing in that plan. And that was God’s plan. I’m not here today to preach to you, I’m just here to tell you a little about my life in hopes of you looking into your own plans and finding the missing pieces, so that you may shape a past, which you can look back on, and be satisfied with it.  I’m not saying I regret my past, because I do not at all.

My plan as I began my senior year was pretty straight forward. I would graduate high school, live at home, attend Mid-State Technical College & graduate with a Nursing Degree in the Spring of 2006. At the end of my senior year, I was headed in a different direction. I can’t exactly pin point when my plan started to change, but it started with looking into the UW-Eau Claire Nursing Program at St. Joseph’s Hospital in Marshfield. I now had a new plan. I would apply to UWSP, then apply and get into the 4-year Nursing Program. After meeting with the admissions department, I was told that it was very competitive and if I didn’t maintain about a 3.8 gpa my first year of college, my chances of getting in was almost none.  I was up for the challenge, high school was easy. So I applied to UWSP and received my Acceptance letter 2 weeks later.

Fast forward a year and a half and I found myself with a terrible gpa. I was not getting into the 4-year Nursing Program and I had a chance the following year to improve my gpa. Year 2 goes by and I’m in the same boat. So I started looking into other Nursing Programs to transfer into. Year three and my grades were so horrible I was sure I was going to never make it.  As I look at what it was that made me not succeed was there was a lack in faith.  The campus was a place that lacked God. It made me angry, I didn’t want to be there, I made my after school job my first priority and I quickly found out that that was not the school for me.

Sometime during my third year of college I decided to take a shot in the dark and apply to the Franciscan University of Steubenville Nursing Program.  Believe you and me, this was not an easy feat. I was told that if I really wanted a shot at this program that I would have to start over from scratch. I would be there for 4 years. I immediately thought “That’s $80,000!” There’s no way I can afford something like that. But I still felt this pull toward Franciscan.  So I talked many times to my admissions counselor trying to figure out if there was any way to get into this school.  We figured out a way, my current credits would transfer and I would be a Theology Major! I would be there for 2 years and I could take classes towards a nursing degree!  Well after it was figured out, I received a letter in the mail. “Dear Ms. Klish. Thank you for applying. We see that you have selected on campus housing. Unfortunately we do not have room for you and you can either hold your application for the following semester or withdraw your application. Love, Franciscan.”  I was devastated. But there was still that pull toward that small town in Ohio. I called once again my counselor and asked if there was anyway that I could live off campus and attend the fall semester. Guess what? He said YES!!! A week later, a new letter, “Congratulations Ms. Klish! You are now a student at FUS!!!”

What was it that pulled me toward this University? It was God! I put my faith and trust in His plan, not my plan! I believe that any other school would have rejected me without a second look. But the love of the Father is so great, that he puts you exactly where you need to be, and for me it was Franciscan. 

I remember moving in to my new house in August and watching out my living room window as my family drove off.  I of course, panicked! I don’t live at home anymore! I won’t see my family for 4 months! I know NO ONE here! I’m all alone!!! The fears eventually went away. I met new people. I got a fresh start. Let me tell you, I FINALLY thrived at University! I found solace in the one who is always there for me. I attended daily Mass and allowed God to be first in my life! Eventually the grades started to ascend and I loved living 850 miles away from home! I got to do things I never imagined myself doing. Such as road tripping to Canada on a whim one night to watch the sun rise over Niagara Falls.  Going to New York City on Fall Break & Spending a week in Connecticut & Boston for Spring Break.  I let God provide, because I trusted Him. I knew that this is where He, not I wanted me to be.  There were never financial issues or loneliness, as He provided for all my needs. Not everything was bliss, there were roadblocks, but I was able to pull through.

As my second year got well under way, I had to decide what I was going to do the following Autumn as I was set to graduate in May.  I looked into three options: 1) Graduate and pursue an Accelerated Nursing Program in the fall. 2) Apply to be on NET Ministries or 3) Attend a Semester abroad at my schools Study Abroad Program in Gaming, Austria. Option 1 was out because of the financial obligations it required. I was just not feeling lead to NET so I tossed Option 2 to the side. So I guess Gaming it was!

In the fall semester of 2009, I boarded a plane with my friend Maggie and we headed to Ireland for a week before arriving in Austria. Can we say Culture Shock?!?!  What a horrible way to start a semester 4,000 miles away from home. Arriving in Ireland, I lost one of my suitcases, I turned my computer on in the airport to email home saying I arrived and my computer tells me that it does not want to work, at all! And we did a horrible job planning and we had no place to stay! Exhausted from being awake for about 27 hours we finally got everything straightened out. We found a Hostel, planned out the rest of the week, My computer finally turned on, my luggage was found and eventually arrived in Austria.

Franciscan owns it’s own campus in Gaming and it is a Restored 14th Century Carthusian Monastery. Those walls contained some of the holiest men who prayed about 15 hours a day! One of the coolest things about these particular Carthusian’s was that they prayed for all who would eventually live in the walls of the Kartause. Who knew that 600 or so years before I was born, I was being prayed for!

During my semester, I learned from wonderful professors from all over Europe. One from Lichtenstein, One from Italy & one from Austria. I was able to visit 18 countries in Europe, over 30 Major Cities, 3 Marian Apparition sites, including:  Knock, Ireland; Fatima, Portugal & Medugorje, Bosnia & Herzegovina, I saw Pope Benedict XVI, I got to pray in front of the tombs and sarcophagus’ of over 20 saints, including St. Peter, soon to be Blessed Pope John Paul II the Great, St. Francis, St. Clare St. Maximilian Kolbe, to pray in front of the Miraculously Incorrupt Bodies of Sts. Padre Pio & San Francesca del Roma. and walk in the same place as St. Michael the Arc Angel did in a cave in Mt. San Angelo, pray in front of the true cross of Christ, and Volunteer with Mother Teresa’s very own Missionaries of Charity.  From the day I decided to go to Gaming I was going to Greece for my 10-day break, but I followed God's plan and headed off to Portugal.

It was with the Missionaries in Lisboa, Portugal that I was reminded of something that I had not used to it’s fullest potential yet: Let God Provide!  This particular group of sisters ran a small Nursing Home for the Poorest of the Poor here in Lisboa.  After literally 5 minutes of assisting, I remembered why it was I wanted to be a Nurse! God reminded me of what my goal was, even though it took a lot longer than I thought!  The biggest lesson I learned however was when I was helping sister in the Kitchen prepare food and she asked me to help freeze some beans. There were I believe 3 black garbage bags full! I remember the look on sisters face: Pure joy! She told me, “Such beautiful food! We do not know where it came from! It was on our doorstep this morning! We work here on Divine Providence. We purchase very little. See how God provides for us!” 
When I returned home, in December I immediately pursued my dream of being a Nurse and just a few weeks ago, I received my Acceptance Letter! 7 ½ years after my own “plan”.  As I look back on it, there would have been so much I would’ve missed out on, if I would have taken my own path.  Even though there are parts I would have loved to cut out and not relive, there is much more I would not have traded for anything of this world.  Who knew I would have done so many wonderful & exciting things if I would have chosen my path.

What my message for you today is this: If you do not put God ahead in your life, I’m sorry, you are not living up to the potential He has set up for you! When you graduate and move away from this place, first and foremost, find yourself a Catholic Church and become a member! Many of you will attend a school that has a Newman Center. Join that! If you are remaining at home, remember, you are most welcome here. This is your home as much as all of ours.  Attend Mass on Sundays. Frequent Confession. Let God become a focal point in your life.  Does this mean that you have to go to College? Study Abroad? Go on a Mission Trip? Wait 8 years to finally reach your dream? NO! Not at all. God has a plan for each of you.  I will suggest you do these things, especially travel! I agree with St. Augustine when he said, “The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.” How ever I agree more with St. Catherine of Sienna who said, “When you are what you were meant to be, you will set the whole world ablaze!” That will only come with the loving hand of God’s guidance. In the trials of life, in all emotions and situations, I ask you, beg you, to join those with Christ. Go to a church, and sit in the silence that awaits in front of the tabernacle, be with Christ as He is always with you.

Let me end this afternoon, with this analogy:

I am giving to each of you right now a rose.  I want you to hold it and look at it right now. 
I’m going to read to you 2 Timothy 1:8b-10

Beloved:
Bear your share of hardship for the gospel
with the strength that comes from God.
He saved us and called us to a holy life,
not according to our works
but according to his own design
and the grace bestowed on us in Christ Jesus before time began,
but now made manifest
through the appearance of our savior Christ Jesus,
who destroyed death and brought life and immortality
to light through the gospel.

I explained that the rose can show the path of our lives. It started out small and as it grew it grew thorns. That is like the parts of our lives that were challenging. Eventually we got through them and came to the leaves. These are our resting places. Our periods of joy. After many leaves and thorns we get to the bud. Sometimes we are like that bud. We are closed and not entirely at our fullest potential.  Eventually we open up and we are rewarded with the sweet smell of success, just like the sweet smell of the rose.  The rose was red, to remind us that we have succeed with the deep red blood that was shed by Christ on the Cross. 
I elaborated a little more but I didn't include it all here.

In conclusion I would like to read a few quotes to you:
“I command you: Be firm & Steadfast! Do not fear or be dismayed, for the LORD, your God, is with you wherever you go!” -Joshua 1:9
“What lies behind us & what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
“High School is like toilet paper, you only miss it when it’s gone!” Unknown
“To those of you who received honors, awards, & distinctions, I say well done. And to the ‘C’ Students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States.” George W. Bush

I thank you for your time! Please stand once again for a final prayer.
“Heavenly Father….All Glory Be to the Father…”
In conclusion, I will end with a quote from G.K. Chesterton which was read at my own Commencement Exercises last Spring: “Let the speeches be short, and let the Graduates be on their way.” Thank you.

Tada! My ramblings!

The Seven Clues From The Artists

A few years ago I took this class called Theology of Healing.  A couple of weeks ago I starting going through old notebooks and folders from College, trying to remove some unnecessary clutter and found a short paper I wrote. It's a bit incomplete but I really like the realization that I came to. The first part is explaining a little bit about Peter Kreeft's book Making Sense Out of Suffering. We had to read a Chapter called "Seven Clues From The Artists" (Chapter 5) and then reflect on it in a summary then give our own perspective. I would like to share my thoughts and sorry if they are a little vague, but I have tried to edit it to make it seem a bit more complete.

Peter Kreeft writes about the pangs of suffering and turns to the artists to guide him through a widely asked question, that is "Why do we Suffer?"  Topics range from Fairy Tales and Children's stories and grow to more complex topics presented in Myths and even Birth Pangs. In all of this subject matter, suffering becomes the central theme. 
The classic story of the Velveteen Rabbit explains that the more something is loved and put through sufferings; in the rabbit's case, falling out eyes and rubbed off fur, the more real it becomes. One also becomes "real" the more one is tamed. We do this by becoming more of a part of God's life by letting Him be a part of ours. [Today I read this and think that the more we love God or Jesus, the more "real" He becomes to us. It's not that I'm saying He's not real, but He is easier to forget. He becomes so important to us that we have to take Him everywhere and the more we do this the more we see that Christ is worn out. He has suffered. How many times have we dropped a stuffed toy, left it behind, forgotten about it? All of these little things have given the toy wear and tare. Like Christ, the more we see Him in His brokenness the more we see that He became like that for us.  At the end of the story of the Velveteen Rabbit, we see that the Rabbit has become "real" he has no more wear and tare. He is made new. Like Christ at the Resurrection, He bore the pain and He was made new. Now He is real to us. We've put Him through all that suffering, then we see that He said it was all worth it to what He became in the end]  When we share in the sufferings of God, we become more real to the pain that He went through.  This includes more importantly a death to self.
In Fairy Tales it seems that no matter how much turmoil one goes through, in the end one will live "Happily Ever After".  God doesn't want us to think that we have to go through all of this turmoil to get to a "Happily Ever After". The Fairy Tales say that the more one suffers the more meaningful the story will become. God has given us a free will and we are not for His enjoyment like a puppet on a string. These sufferings are a result of the fall and everyone endures and embraces them because we have chosen them.  God did not inflict these sufferings on us but we brought them on ourselves.
This suffering that is the fault of our human race did indeed arise after the fall of man.  Through this suffering comes a great wisdom and knowledge for man.  The wisdom that is gained becomes the valuable food for our souls.  We need this food to sustain our lives.  If we were given the choice of a Utopian Society or a perfect happiness, we would be consumed in boredom.   Our souls would not be fed and therefore we would still suffer.  With this suffering we are artists of ourselves with each choice being a stroke of a brush and each act a cut of the chisel.  Saints suffer the most and become the greatest artists of all.  [Many of them give up comforts and purposely embrace sufferings and hardships.  Some may call them foolish, still others call them wise.  If suffering leads to wisdom and knowledge, their souls are fed all the more and they do not go hungry in the spiritual sense. God satisfies them continually, especially with the knowledge that it's all for eternal happiness]. [If saints are great artists because of their sufferings,] All mothers are artists because they have pains and sufferings in child birth when they are assisting in the procreation of new life. [The fall occurred because some of the angels chose to not bow down to a human [Christ] and they knew they could not be like God in the sense where they could create. Mothers are creators like God and even though they are going through a horrific pain, once again the suffering turns into wisdom and knowledge and their souls have been satisfied in a way many can not fathom.]
Finally death is a lover and it is also a birth.  In the very darkest of sufferings, which is death, a light is found which is the most glorious of all the lights.  This [light] in turn is like a passageway or a canal of birth just as when we were born into life, we are born into death.  [It is wonderful to think that our souls are being fed through the sufferings of death. What greater reward then to have the most greatest of things, Eternal Life with our Creator, after the very darkest of sufferings.]
Our suffering is so important to our lives.  One thing I hear a lot of from someone I love [I call her Mother] is "Offer It Up!"  After reading through this chapter, I really have felt a deeper connection to Christ and His sufferings.  I do not compare my own to His and say they are the same because they are not even close to what He endured.  I look to His sufferings as a place to lay down my own into.  As someone who is not a crier by any means, I really couldn't help but to notice the passage on Christ's tears. [Kreeft says]: "Every tear we shed, becomes Christ's own tears." I cry more or less quiet, dry tears.  Even if they are physically there [or not] I know that if I put into Christ my trust that He will take them and make them His own. This was something that I really needed to hear.
Christ sits by our sides and no matter what our sufferings are, He takes them and makes them His own, if we allow Him to.  Sometimes it is our own foolish pride, yes we all are fools Kreeft says, that gets in the way of us reaching out to Christ and saying, "Here, have my pain and my sorrow and my sufferings and help me to get through them because I can't deal with them anymore. It's too much." We won't always feel that Jesus has taken our sufferings away, but when we are forced to suffer through them we are made stronger and our souls are fed. The strength comes from Christs as well as from the suffering.  He will not let us go through it alone.
The other part that just tugged at my heart and causes it pain, was that Jesus is such a part of us that He was in every gas chamber in Auschwitz. [After going to Auschwitz and paying my respects to those who suffered there, this hits harder then it did when I first read it.] He is also in every legal factory that participates in the killing of the innocent everyday.  For a Savior who loves us so much He is with everyone of us, no matter if we are strong or weak. No matter if we want Him to be with us or not.

 When I read this I sometimes feel that it is all over the place but it really was a great reminder to myself that no matter what is going on, my sufferings and pain are one with Christ's. That this suffering is forming me into a "real" person and feeding my soul and I pray, hope that it is enough to let me be with the one who has been along for my ride this whole time. It's a crazy journey and I think that Christ is the only one strong enough to take it on with me.

Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta said it best:

"I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much."

Being Hit Below the Belt...Twice

Wow. Do something good, get kicked twice for it. For the last few weeks I have been planning a "Praise & Prayer" Hour with two other parishioners at my Church. Deb & Jim are extremely musically talented and have asked me to help them to bring for lack of a better word a P&W hour at our church once a month.  Well we had the first one two nights ago and we had 6 people show up. Better than we thought. It seemed to go over very well. So of course, as my life goes, I do something good for God and satan has to come and throw in his two cents. I was hit twice by him, through a person who is supposed to be one of my best friends, is my flesh and blood family and where does the blow come from? Why to mock God and my Pro Life beliefs. I won't detail it because it's not worth mentioning. The first blow yesterday made me angry and frustrated. Then today's made me want to cry. Weep for the fact that someone could mock God and the unborn victims of abortion so coldly. The thing is that, I have been on my guard and walking on egg shells with this person. We did have a discrepancy about a month ago and I thought everything had blown over but I guess I'm such a horrible person. I don't want to beat myself up but, this is probably the the thing I hate the most about being a "devout" Catholic. That if I do good, I'm kicked in the face almost immediately. Sometimes it's just easier to give up. But of course, that's what satan wants. And in the long run it's not what I want. End Rant.

Double Chocolate White Chocolate Chip Cookies

So if there was one thing I was making sure I was perfecting in my last year of undergrad at FUS was that I was going to make a cookie that tasted just like the Subway ones. Specifically the Double Chocolate Chip Cookies. So I made many a cookie, and eventually found out how you make that cookie taste like chocolate, almost brownie like and now I will share it with you!

The Mint Variety - Great for Christmas!

What you need:

• 1 1/3 Cups & 1 Tablespoon Butter or Margarine (either will work, it just depends on how fattening you want them)
• 1 Cup Sugar
• 2/3 Cup Brown Sugar, Firmly Packed
• 1 Tablespoon Vanilla Extract
• 2 Eggs
• 2 1/4 Cups All-Purpose Flour
• 2/3 Cup Cocoa (Royal Dutch Cocoa is better)
• 1 Teaspoon Baking Soda
• 1 Teaspoon Salt
• 1/4 Cup Milk
• 12 oz Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips
• 6 oz White Chocolate Chips
• Optional: 6 oz of any of your favorite flavored chip (Mint, Cherry, Dark Chocolate, Milk Chocolate, Peanut Butter, Butterscotch, Cappuccino, etc.)

1. Preheat oven to 350°F 
2. Take a brown grocery bag and cut it apart and put in on the table. You will put the baked cookies on here. It helps to absorb the excess grease and makes for easier clean up! My Grandma's way to make cookies!
3. Combine 1 1/3 Cups Butter, Sugars & Vanilla in a large bowl until creamy. I use a wooden spoon because that's how I was taught. You have muscles, use them!
4. Add the eggs and mix thoroughly
5. In a microwave safe bowl add 6 oz of the Semi Sweet Chocolate Chips & 1 Tablespoon of Butter. Heat in the Microwave until it's at a liquid consistency.
6. Add the liquid chocolate to your batter and mix together
7. In a separate bowl, combine Flour, Cocoa, Baking Soda & Salt. Mix thoroughly
8. Add the dry ingredients to the batter, alternating with the milk. Stir until blended.
9. Stir in the remaining Semi-Sweet Chips and the White Chocolate Chips.
10. Drop dough onto an ungreased cookie sheet in 1" balls. I like to use a melon baller because it gives perfectly shaped cookies.
11. Bake for 10 minutes. I take them out when they look like they are almost done. This way they stay soft. If they are over baked, in a hour they will be no better than a hockey puck and I for one do not like hard, crispy cookies.
12. When you take the cookies out of the oven, this is when you can add the optional chips. In the picture I used the Mint Chips. I just added 4 or 5 to each cookie on the top. This way they have more of an aesthetic appeal then if they were mixed in with the dough. You can add any kind of Chocolate Chips at this step. The sky's the limit!
13. After I add the chips, I remove the cookies from the cookie sheet to the brown bag
14. After the cookies have cooled (you will be able to tell because the chips on top have re-solidified and you can touch them without them being mushy) you can remove them from the brown bag and put them in an air tight container. 
15. To ensure the cookies stay soft, put a piece of bread in the container. This will work for cookies that have already hardened too, The moisture of the bread goes into the cookies and they become soft again!
16. When I made these for Christmas I got 93 cookies and this is a single batch. I did however eat some of the dough so I could've had more but I guess 93 is a lot. You can make the cookies bigger, but you will get less cookies

So there you go kids! My favorite cookies! And yes, I do believe they taste as good, if not better than Subways!

Immune to the Economy

So I'm pretty much gonna be losing my job soon. No Customers = No Hours. Am I sad, or worried? HELL NO!!! I'm actually quite excited. Why? Because I finally have an excuse to get back into the health field. So back when I was a senior in High School, call me crazy but I had 3 jobs and went not only to High School, but was taking College Credits. So I was a busy child. Well the class I was taking was the CNA course, or to expand on the acronym: Certified Nursing Assistant. I can't really remember why I decided to take it but I did. I did my Clinicals at Portage County Health Care Center. I loved to talk with the residents. I worked in a Nursing Home in the Kitchen. I was in the Health Field, I had my foot in the door then I went in another direction. I mean I don't regret getting out of it. I think it was good for me to do other things, it made me grow out of it. I was able to get a feel of the workforce outside of Health Care. Well when I did Portugal Mission, I realized how much I missed working in Health Care. So now a year and a quarter later, I'm really digging into it. I am preparing to re-take my CNA certification. I read like 100 pages in the book in the last 24 hours! I don't do that! But I did. I have this really crazy motivation and I love it! By the end of this week, I should have registered to take the exam! Thursday I am going to practice my skills which we'll see how rusty they are. Hopefully I'll take my exam sometime around the 1st of February! I'm not really nervous, I just want to work in a place I'm passionate about again. I also want to volunteer at Ministry St. Michael's Hospital. They have volunteering with the Hospice Program and that is what I want to do as a Nurse so what better way to find out if that's where I want to be than to volunteer with that. I know I won't get paid, but I think it will be rewarding in it's own way. Otherwise I'll hate it and I'll know to go elsewhere in the Nursing Field. All I know is that these next couple years are going to be quite exciting and unpredictable. So why the title "Immune to the Economy"? They say that Nursing will be Immune to the effects of the crappy Economy. So I should be good to go. Bring it on!