I want to be remembered as...

Yesterday I had a continuing education class at work. The state of Wisconsin requires us to have 15 hours of continuing education a year to be able to continue working in healthcare. If you are unaware, I work for North Haven Homes which Specializes in Dementia and Alzheimer's care. This means I get kicked, slapped, tripped, stabbed, spit at, called every 4-letter word in the book, etc... This seems crazy, yea I know, however, the more I understand the disease and learn about it, the more I just keep caring for my residents and giving them everything I can to make their days that much more better, even if they don't remember 5 minutes after the fact. Anywho, each resident has hanging by their room an "About Me" poem. It includes things like birthdays, religion, children, grand children, jobs, hobbies, travels, etc. These are so much fun to read cuz you get to know who that person is and not just their disease. The last part of each poem goes "I want to be remembered as..." most of them say a good wife/husband and mother/father. I often think about what mine would say if I died lets say today. Well it just so happens that that question was posed on us yesterday at the continuing ed meeting. When it came to my turn I was like "I have no idea."  Some things were suggested like "compassionate" or "outspoken" but to say those or things other people said would be lies. This has been bothering me me since the meeting and the only thing I can think of is that I want to be remembered as a Saint. And I mean that in the most humblest way possible. I also know that I am very far from that so I think I have to change somethings and actually be a saint so that when I die people can remember me as that. I don't think in my short 26 years I've accomplished anything to be remembered by and I wouldn't even mind being forgotten. For now, I'll just try to come up with a better answer.

Narrow Gate

So I'm pretty moral, for the most part. I teach Theology of the Body, so I have to live what I teach or as best as I possibly can. Well tonight while out, I just observed the people around me. These people are drinking like fish, and the dancing. I'm not a dancer, AT ALL. You won't catch me grinding, I'd have to be pretty out of my head to do that kinda thing anymore. But the one thing that really struck me was what is it like to live without morals? To not care who you hook up with? To just do what you feel like? To suffocate your conscience and to (as Obama is trying to force us) violate it? As I go through Lent, I guess I'm thankful that I've tried to change my ways as best as I can. Those kinds of things make me uncomfortable and I'm really glad that they do. Who knows what kind of situation I'd be in right now if I didn't have the formed conscience I do now? Not that I'm perfect, by any means, but I'm glad I've chosen the path I have.

"Enter through the narrow gate;  for the gate is wide and the road broad that leads to destruction, and those who enter through it are many. How narrow the gate and constricted the road that leads to life. And those who find it are few."
- Matthew 7:13-14

Ah, Behold the Power of Lent!

Lent is upon us and sometimes that can mean a whole hecka lot, or not so much to me. As I look at Lent's past, I see my Lenten Promises and what I can do different this year. Some years I did crazy things, others not much. As I reflect on Lenten past I see a pattern. I get really lazy/bored/uninspired? I can't necessarily describe it around the January/February time. A lot of the time, I start missing Mass. I just don't have the desire to go or necessarily want to go. And that is horrible. I do the same thing around late July/early August. I usually don't do this twice a year, just once. Well I just did that in the last month. With Lent coming up, I forced myself to go to Mass again. I'm not like super-hyper Franciscan Student about Mass right now, but I'm making myself go - no matter if I 'get anything out of it' or not. Lent is about sacrifice and that is why we make Lenten Promises. It's not about 'giving something up' but it's supposed to, in the end, make you holier. I sub taught the 7th graders on Ash Wednesday and presented them with a list of 100+ things to 'do/give up' for Lent. I didn't make them choose any of them, I just gave them some suggestions for something different than the 'give up candy/tv' usuals. It never fails, an Ash Wednesday doesn't go by without hearing the "I'm giving school up for Lent" thing which means I have to explain why that's not the point. It gets old, but I'm sure as long as I'm a CCD teacher I will ALWAYS hear that.
Needless to say, I'm not giving up candy for Lent this year or tv. I'm not going to divulge what Lenten Promises I'm doing, all I know is that in the end, I want to be out of this desert and somewhat back into my faith life that means something to me. A few years back, one of the Friars at FUS read a letter that the Bishop Daniel Conlon wrote to all the people of the Diocese. He asked us to abstain from meat every Friday for retributions against the sin of abortion and for an end to abortion. At first it was like, "Really? No meat on Fridays? Ever?" But I was up to the challenge. I'm not saying I have 100% accuracy, but it sure makes it more tolerable to fast during Lent, when I'm so used to Fasting on the majority of the Friday's of the year. Basically it was some good training, because it makes no meat Friday's in Lent not something to pout about. It gives me the courage to say, "I can do this!!!"
Some people are able to make their Lenten Promises and follow through with them flawlessly. They are some pretty remarkable people, especially when they are pretty tough challenges. I'm not that good, I slip, stumble and fall. I'm imperfect. I was just reading my reflection today in my "Give Us This Day" book. (It's seriously awesome, it contains Morning Prayer, a reflection on the saint of the day or a holy person, Mass Readings, a Reflection about the readings and Evening Prayer.) Today's reflection says:

"Have you stumbled upon this surefire way of connecting with God?
If you can be brave enough this Lent to let your heart be broken (again) by your own patterns of missing the mark, God promises to hear you, and heal you." 

When I read this I was like, okay, this speaks to me. I have been stumbling with connecting with God. I'm also not perfect, and I sometimes miss the mark. However, if I keep going to God, whether I'm 'getting anything out of it or not' I have to remember that He a) Hears me and b) will heal me. Wow! I love it! If you want to read reflections by the author, check out Kathy McGovern's website at http://www.thestoryandyou.com/.  That list of 100+ things to do for Lent I talked about earlier, included suggestions for those who are addicted to the internet, which I'm sadly one of. Instead of just giving up the internet, one of the suggestions was for those who blog, to write an entry about God/your religion/Lent once a week. So I'm going to try to do that. Somehow, I think these posts are rather just ramblings and such. Oh well. I'm trying and I'm not forcing anyone else to read it ;) Anywho, Lent has begun and behold it's power!

I took this picture a couple of years ago at The Shrine of Christ's Passion in St. John, Indiana.

A Permanent Tent

This reflection has NOTHING to do with St. John the Baptist!!! He just seems to be taking over them, so it's refreshing to not have to think about him.

Today's reflection talks about how we are nomads. We can't stay in one place for long. We set up our tent and then something happen and we take it down and pitch it elsewhere. When I was a senior in high school I was scarred shitless of moving away. So I went to a college in my hometown and lived at home. Well 3 years later I picked up my tent and pitched it 850 miles away. My high school self would've told you you were crazy if you would've told me that. Then 2 years after that, I picked up my tent and pitched it roughly 4493 miles away in Austria (the distance calculator let me choose Innsbruck, Austria not Gaming, so the miles are not perfectly correct). We humans on earth, have no idea what permanence is, we are always changing. When the Arc Angel Gabriel visited Our Lady at the Annunciation, he announces God's promise of 'forever' and 'will have no end.' No matter where we pitch our tents, they will never stay until we pitch them in Heaven. That's where I plan to pitch mine for the last time. Hopefully I get to!

Jesus has DNA!

Today's Gospel is kinda crazy. It contains many names. Some very recognizable (Isaac), some unpronounceable (Amminadab?), some hilarious (Ram! teehee), some that sound like exclamations (Jehosaphat!). I think it's really cool that sacred scripture can trace back Jesus to Adam, the first man. I can only trace my ancestors back to my great-great-great-great grandparents on my mother's mother's side of the family. This is only due to the fact that one of my distant cousins decided to put all this up on a website. What is even more cool is that even though Jesus didn't have children, you can still trace all of the popes back to him. I find it ridiculously amazing that this is documented so well. Yay for scripture!!!

Universal Love

In summary, the reflection today is about how it is possible to bring people together in love.  In today's Gospel (John 5:33-36) Jesus is addressing the Jews saying that John (oh, it's about John again ;) was a burning and shining lamp who gave a testimony. However, Jesus says that He has a greater testimony, the Father sent Him to accomplish many works. We are all given many works, some that are fun, easy, enjoyable. Others that are annoying, hard, boring. Which of these tasks do we accomplish with love, especially love that brings others together or even love to them? I really and truly like my job. I like what I do. I don't like the pay, but it is what it is for the time being. Even though I may like my job, it's not always easy. I care for combative residents that are usually not grateful for what I do for them. However, I need to stay positive and put love into what I do. When I do, I am not only happier, but there seems to be more of a positive atmosphere around me. That's how I spread love in my everyday routine.

John the Voice: Christ the Word

So there have been an awful lot of reflections about John the Baptist. This is another one. This one talks about how Christ is the Word and John is the Voice. Without the Word, there is no Voice, just a noise. John has said that Christ must increase and he must decrease. If we just have a voice and no word, what we are saying can just be a bunch of nonsensical gibberish. If we speak with the Word on our lips, we become wise and bring others to the Word. I definitely need to work on this.