...tested by fire...

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who in his great mercy gave us a new birth to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you who by the power of God are safeguarded through faith, to a salvation that is ready to be revealed in the final time. In this you rejoice, although now for a little while you may have to suffer through various trials, so that the genuineness of your faith, more precious than gold that is perishable even though tested by fire, may prove to be for praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Although you have not seen him you love him; even though you do not see him now yet you believe in him, you rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy, as you attain the goal of faith, the salvation of your souls." -1 Peter 1:3-9

So tomorrow I have an interview at St. Bron's for a Youth Minister Assistant position. So why am I up and it's about 4am? Haha! I don't know. What I do know is that I have been going through tremendous Spiritual Warfare since last week when I was told about my interview. It was coupled with the fact that I also lead the Teacher Night of Reflection last week. That's when the tension was at utmost insanity. My dad is like a ticking time bomb. Saying almost anything to make me crack. Oh I've been angry, but hadn't gone off the deep end - yet. You see, I know exactly what would make this all cool off. That would be to not interview, to not get involved with a job in the church or even attempt it. To just give up and find something else. But that's the beauty of it, I mean obviously it's something I need to do, whether or not I get the job, I think it'll be worth it. To defend that my degree was not a waste and that I do want to do whatever God is asking of me at the moment. These are the trials to suffer that Peter was speaking of in this scripture. Hopefully, when this time of interview and the verdict are over I will be able to rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy. It is a goal, and whether it's what I want or what God wants or both, I hope that in the end it was well worth the battle.

Pondering

"Even in the most difficult of circumstances, nothing is impossible for God. We should ever be aware that God abandons no one, no matter what his or her sin and weakness, if that person is truly repentant. How anxious God is to care for all of us. We need but come to Him as we do at Mass today." -Meditation from the 4th Thursday of Easter, St. Joseph Weekday Missal

Sometimes impossibility seems to be my specialty. Especially when it comes to my vocation in life. I mean, I'm pretty much convinced that I'm not supposed to go into religious life because right now, I don't find any comfort in that. And it just seems out of place for the right reasons that are unexplainable. So then there are two other options: Single life and Married life. I feel like when it comes to this, I get jipped. So this is one of my biggest struggles right now. But even in this difficult circumstance, I have to remember that it is true. For nothing is impossible for God. I have to learn to just trust and come to him.

Matthew 5:16

"So let your light shine before men, that they may see your works and glorify your Father who is in Heaven." -Matthew 5:16

So I am heading up another retreat. Well it's not really a retreat, more like a prayer service. And it's for the Teacher's end of the year meeting. So I've had a few ideas bounce around in my head, but not many whatsoever. My main thing is to incorporate our Lady's virtues into it somehow. But I don't necessarily want to give a 'teaching'. So here's what I've come up with so far. Start by processing in with the Virgin Mary statue to singing the Magnificat song. Then mayhaps bring in her Virtues. I've started the Consecration Preparation For The Triumphant Victory of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. In it is a Chaplet of 7 of her Virtues. I thought it would be beautiful to pray that together. But to explain, I have not the foggiest idea. So then I thought "Maybe I could talk about something on my European excursions. I had visited 3 Marian Apparition sites. And 2 of them are where this Consecration is coming from: Fatima & Medjugorge. But I can't come up with anything. Then I think of Our Lady of Knock and how her message was silent, yet most powerful to me. I could talk about how her virtues emulate through her and bring her closer to her son. And we must do the same, and when we do that, we also will start to point to her son. Mayhaps this is a good start. Ponder...then mom wants to pray over the teachers, but I'm not allowed cuz I'll 'scare' them by speaking in tongues. Ha, the cruel humor, I can't pray to God in the language of perfect prayer.

Ramblings & Such...

In the Gospel from the Tuesday of the 4th week of Easter we hear Jesus saying this, "The works I do in my Father's name testify to me. But you do not believe because you are not among my sheep." -John 19. Sometimes I wonder when reading scripture like this if I am really among the chosen or am I going to be like one of the Jews who are not among Christ's sheep. They are asking Him why He can't right out and say who He is and tell them everything. They say that He keeps them in suspense. This is something that I ask too sometimes, especially when I want to hear an answered prayer plain as day, black and white. No more of that waiting around thinking is that the answer? But then if Christ did not drag us along a little or confuse us, use parables, etc. How boring would it get? I mean this requires us to pray more. To seek Him out more and more often. If every time we prayed to Him about something and immediately He gave an answer that was right to the point, then where would that need for trust and praying to Him more fervently? He wants us to come to Him a lot! To Him it is black and white but we must seek out what He is saying to us. And it is so much fun to do that. To fall in love with going to Him day in and day out not knowing when it's going to hit us and we are like DUH!! That's what He is telling me. Christ is just awesome in that way and I love that He loves me in my ramblings, like right now.

Psalm 42:3a

So I haven't read any scripture yet, but I decided to write on the Psalm from the day I'm reading. As I am still very far behind, I am on Monday of the 4th week of Easter, or April 26th to be more exact. So what is the Psalm for that day? Why it's Psalm 42:3a "Athirst is my soul for the living God." What does that mean to me? Well for starters yesterday I had the chance to go to confession at St. Peter's in Steubenville. I know that those priests are true gifts from God. They always make you feel welcome to Confession. I mean, come on, I struggle to get myself to go. Then it's the same old same old. I really didn't do anything that bad. But I've waited 2 hours to go to confession there last year. Yesterday I waited a bit over an hour. I wanted-no I longed to hear the words of Jesus as he helps me overcome my own sinfulness. Not to say I don't hear him elsewhere, but here is a place where I fell in love with the Sacrament of Penance. My soul was thirsty for freedom and I found that in the priest I confessed my sins to. I love the fact that these men act In Persona Christi because I get to have a conversation with Jesus and he is physically talking back to me. One piece of advice Jesus told me yesterday was that we often make mistakes, but the fact that we recognize them and bring them before God is a step in the right direction. It's good to hear this being back in "The Bubble" because I no longer have the bubble effect keeping me in check. Now it's me and only myself keeping me in check. Now I just need to learn how to recognize my mistakes more often and want to correct them for the good of myself in order to build up the body of Christ.

Prom

So today I did updo's to two of my cousins hair for prom. First Megan then Kassandra. I also worked for Aunty Juliette doing inventory for their new business "WOW Back To The Country Store" which everything we did was 'strictly confidential'. Well I don't know how counting and boxing can be that but whatever. I was grateful for the extra money to drive to school next week. Anna H. told me that "See how God provides?" So I'm very thankful for that.
Well still being far behind in my scripture, today I read from the Tuesday of the 3rd week of Easter. I still can't believe Easter was 3 weeks ago. I thought Lent flew, Easter is going a crap ton faster. What stuck out to me was from the Gospel. John 6:30-35. In it Jesus does His "Amen, Amen I say to you." When Jesus says that, He means business. Today He said that we can not live on bread alone, but He is the bread of life, who comes to Him will live forever. It makes me very happy that tomorrow is Sunday and I get to receive Him in the Eucharist. Yay for nourishment!!!

Blogging Again

Once upon a time I used to blog. Sometimes it'd be quite frequently. Then not so much. So why start again? To improve my prayer life. You see, I am a graduate of Franciscan University of Steubenville. And anyone who is an Alumnus like myself knows of the "bubble" effect. Well I've since left the bubble and know what it is to live my Catholic faith outside of it permanently. I want to be a good Catholic and the basic building to that is a strong foundation rooted in prayer. It's like Haslow's hierarchy of needs. The basic building blocks are those things in which a human being needs to survive. These are the physiological blocks such as air, water, food, shelter. This is also true for a Catholic. Air is like the Holy Spirit. Water is those which you are reborn into, those life-giving waters in which Christ said to the woman at the well "the water from this well will make you thirst again, but the water I will give you will quench your thirst forever. Food is the sustenance of the Eucharist. Shelter is that prayer which grounds you and keeps you safe.
In the fall of 2009 I was fortunate to participate in the FUS study abroad program in Gaming, Austria. My favorite part was that Jesus, present in the Eucharist was available 24/7 and it was a 5 minute walk from my room. I fell in love with visiting him every night and I found myself having to make myself leave otherwise I just wanted to sit with Him a while longer. I have since lost that privilege of living with our Lord. So my prayer life went down the toilet. During Lent I re-vamped it. I read the daily scripture, I read a meditation from the Passion of Mark everyday and re-consecrated myself to our Lady through the preparation of St. Louis Marie Grignon de Montfort. Well now it's the Easter season and I have been sucking at this. I have for my daily prayers besides my conversation with God the daily scriptures and a meditation from the Gospel of Luke on the Resurrection narrative. I am now 5 days behind. So my goal for this blog is to write about this scripture. To reflect on it. I really hope it helps.