Why I'm not supposed to be a youth minister...

I find myself right now in the midst of being a college grad, a clerk, a student, a Theology of the Body instructor, and a loser living with my parents at the age of 24. Sounds like a fantastic time huh? Well for a while I had been looking into Youth Minister positions and even interviewed for one. My favorite part of this interview was when I asked about how many of the youth actually came back after Confirmation to actually participate in this stuff (because the main focus of this job was to work with the post-Confirmed youth). Mind you, this parish confirms anywhere from 100-150 people a year. My answer came a little like this, "Uh, well we have a good group (as she turns to the other woman who was also interviewing me and talks in hushed tones coming up with a number). It's a good 6 or 7, maybe 8 kids." I was like 8? That's it? You are hiring a full time Youth Minister to work with 8 kids? Wow. That's really sad. Sad on both parts. Because here they are trying their damnedest to get across the word of God to these kids and it results with only about 8 or so caring about their faith enough to seek it out past gradu - I mean Confirmation. And sad on the part of the youth, that they don't care enough about their faith to want to take the journey farther than the CCD classroom.
Now as I'm teaching the Sophomores at my parish St. Mary of Mt. Carmel and our sister parish St. James, I have come into frustrations. When it comes to CCD you get two extremes. If you teach a lower grade like when I taught 4th grade before, they are so young that they're interested, but they don't really understand and you can't really go that deep with them. And once you get them at an age where you can go deeper and they understand more, THEY DON'T CARE!!! How frustrating for a Catechist to try to teach a class when you pretty much are teaching a wall. I am well aware of the whole, well if only one of them gets something out of it you've done good, but it has to be down heartening. I would feel that if I happened to get a job as a youth minister I'd just be frustrated by the fact that I felt like my work never resulted in anything worth my time. I like my work to be rewarding. I want to see something good come out of it or some progress and I feel as if I wouldn't find it there. Even as I work my crappier-than-thou job at the store, I at least feel like I'm making some progress and making things better and that's the kind of job I want. Something where I can see I'm making a difference, not only in Heaven, but here on Earth too. For now, I'll continue to teach the blank wall of students each Wednesday night, but my eyes are focused on the future of my Nursing Vocation, as I inch my way ever closer to it each day.

At What Point, Do The Results Of Choices Become Our Own?

So my title is a bit of a mouthful. This is because tonight I taught for the first time ever, The Theology of the Body. I am team teaching it with 2 other women and 2 other men. And there was a very, shall we say "touchy" subject that was discussed. That of homosexuality. Very controversial in the Catholic Church. So of course, as the Catechists, we had to try to explain it in the way the church teaches it. James said that we are teaching you what the Church teaches because I'm not going to Hell for you. He said that if he'd get up there right now and tell them that it was okay to be gay, then when he died, God would say to him, "James, why on September 8, 2010 did you tell the class of 10th Graders you were teaching The Theology of the Body to that homosexuality was okay? When in fact, you know it is wrong?" Because if we would teach it lightly, or not as the church does, they will go off and think it's okay, and tell others, and there on our consciences, would be the fact that now umpteen people think this is okay because we skewed the truth. So in essence, what I'm trying to address is "At what point do the results of choices become our own?" If James would've chosen to go lightly about this and be like, well I guess it's okay if you think it is, then the results of his choices become his sin with devastating effects. It's crazy what one little choice can do.
This makes teaching this class so difficult. I mean we have to be dead on with the facts and the teachings that we are not allowing these kids (yes, they are kids, only 15 and 16 year old kids) to go away and think what they heard is right. And if we do not speak and teach nothing but truth, they can go away thinking the Church teaches something that it in fact does not teach! I am now responsible for these 26 students, the very well being of their souls. Am I terrified? HELL YES!!! You better believe it! It's going to be so hard. Satan is going to be testing me to the brink of breaking! This is the time where I need to devote so much time to prayer because if I allow the enemy to taunt me, then I will fail not only these kids, but myself and my God. But this is a way to take what I have been given, my resources which are my armor, and use it to further the Kingdom of Heaven.
One of the hardest things will be for me to open up and be real with these kids. I mean telling them things I haven't told anyone. I think this is a way for me to heal more from my struggles with my past and how they are hindering my future. How I have made these mistakes and learned from them. How I am using them. But most importantly telling them that I wish I was told and made to understand this before I chose to let myself fall and sin. It would have been so beneficial to me to have learned this stuff so that I wouldn't have to deal with certain struggles every day of my life. I told them that those who have ears ought to hear. I wish I would've had this opportunity that they have because I would've been a lot better of a person if I had.