How Long Is Your Life?

So for whatever reason, I started reading a bunch of these "100 Things To Do Before I Die" Lists and that inspired me to do one of my own. I do have a handful I things I've always wanted to do, and maybe I should write them down. And then I can see if I ever accomplish any of them! Haha!

1. Train a Seeing Eye Dog
2. Visit all 50 States (been to 25 so far)
3. Go to France, see Lourdes and other various religious sites
4. Visit Sienna, Italy with Kassandra (As prescribed by Arch Bishop Listecki when Kass was confirmed)
5. Go to a random Island for a week, be completely lazy and enjoy every minute of it
6. Surf
7. Parasail
8. Learn to play the guitar better than a novice
9. Have a conversation in Spanish or German (or learn those languages better)
10. Go back to Fatima, Portugal and do it justice this time (I mean do and see everything there is to do and see)
11. Buy an old farm house and renovate it to my liking
12. Graduate from Nursing School and be a nurse! 15 May 2014
13. Pass NCLEX 2 July 2014
14. Eat an oyster
15. Run a Marathon (1/4, 1/2, Full, whatever!)
16. Be able to explain my education to someone and having them get it!
17. Be in two places at the same time
18. Go back to Gaming, Austria and jump in the Creek!
19. Go back to Gaming, Austria and climb Book Mountain
20. Go back to Gaming, Austria and go to the Caves!
21. Write a book (yea right!)
22. Attend Mardi Gras
23. Pay off my Student Loans
24. Give a generous sum anonymously to a charity
25. Go to Oktoberfest in Munich (preferably the Hofbrauhaus, cuz I love that place!)
26. Visit Lithuania
27. Go Whitewater Rafting
28. Go to Disneyland/world
29. Be a Salvation Army Bell Ringer 21 December 2013
30. Serve on a NET team
31. Eat Sushi 31 December 2010
32. Go on a Silent Retreat
33. Go to Spain
34. Live in Europe again for at least a Month
35. Shoot a Handgun 24 April 2011
36. Strive for Holiness (This should be #1)
37. Go to March for Life
38. Eat Frog Legs 6 May 2012
39. Polar Bear Plunge

I have a long way to go, and a lot of these things cost money, so they will be futuristic.
Oh well. Gotta love the randomness of it!

Analogies...

They go together like Lamb & Tuna Fish! Or maybe Peanut Butter & Jelly, if you're more comfortable with that analogy? Haha, great line from a great movie. So today's post I'm going to be comparing two things, which may sound like Lamb & Tuna Fish, but in the end it's really like PB & J! Teaching my Theology of the Body CCD Class is like giving Copper (my dad's dog) a bath. Uh, Okay? Well I really do think this. Last night I decided Copper was very very dirty, so dirty that her white fur was gray from all the dust and dirt outside. As I was trying to give her a bath, she fought it and fought it. She is a beagle and naturally she just doesn't like water. Well this bath usually involves 5 steps. First I have to get her fur wet. (Since she's so small, i just pick her up and put her in the bathtub, unlike Nilla, my Yellow Lab who was harder to coax into the tub cuz you can't just pick up an 80 pound dog an put her in the tub!). So after I finally get her fur wet, I have to get her soapy, and usually she shakes off and I end up getting a bath too. Then when she's finally all full of bubbles, I once again get to rinse her off. When she's soap free, I tell her that she has to shake off 5 times. Usually 5 times gets her dry enough to not be dripping everywhere. Then as I'm waiting for her to do that, I clean the water out of her ears so they don't get infected. Finally when she is finished shaking I let her out of the tub and try to towel dry her off. Then I release her and she goes mental! She'll start running her hot laps around the house and acting insanely crazy! So now as I was giving her her bath last night, I was like, "Wow, bathing you is like teaching my CCD class!" Getting her into the tub is like getting the kids to class, 95% of them can't drive so they are dropped off by their parents against their own free will. So getting them there is the easy part. Well then the hard part begins. Like getting Copper's fur wet, we have to settle the kids down and get them to try to pay attention. This is usually interrupted by them talking and not paying attention. Kinda like Copper shaking off and trying to get away from me, not paying attention to what I'm doing and not caring in the least! Then we delve into the tough stuff, we start to teach them what it is we have planned for that day. Usually by this point they have given up and just sit there lethargically. Copper does the same, as long as shes not getting water poured on her, she sits pretty still letting me get her all soaped up! Then we split the class up into 2 groups and do some discussion time. This usually gets them excited again. They basically try to plan their escape and not really wanting to pay attention again. Or they start to fight it. They usually will ask questions or argue or something that makes them no longer want to be there again. This is like rinsing Copper off cuz, once again, this pup hates water! Finally we take the kids upstairs into the Church to sit in front of the tabernacle and lead them in a closing prayer that usually lasts 5 minutes. They must stay there until they are dismissed. So like Copper, who has to shake off five times, she's stuck until I let her out. Usually all parties involved wait patiently until the 5 shakes/minutes have happened. Sometimes there's a little whining/whispering but this is why they spread out. It works wonders! Then when they are dismissed Copper runs out of there as fast as possible and runs her hot laps and the kids bolt out of that church to their awaiting cars to speed off into the night. Bringing it all together: So as I was bathing Copper this thought occurred to me and I said it to Copper, "You may not like getting your bath and the process of getting it sucks, but look at you in the end! You are clean and soft and pretty and you don't stink like an old man anymore!" Kind of like my CCD kids, they don't like going through this, but in the end they have been given the tools necessary to be clean and beautiful and they don't stink like sinners anymore. Haha! I sound crazy, but that's beside the point. We are making them go through this process of shedding off anything that they have acquired by their actions thus far, and are giving them the tools necessary to live a life that's clean and good. I didn't like CCD either but I wish I would've been able to do what they are doing now. My CCD experience was very different from theirs. Not to mention a whole year longer! I didn't ever want to go like a lot of them don't want to go. I was forced too. I am thankful for some of my experience, but I wish I got more of what they are getting now. Today we are teaching with the interest of the students at heart. Not just we're gonna read out of this book and this is the way it is cuz I said so. I want these kids to love God, and I know if they do have some sort of a conversion, it's going to be because of their own accord, not necessarily because of my teaching style or what I said. I struggle too. Sometimes I don't want to be there teaching them because my Monday's Tuesday's and Wednesdays are so crazy that I can't wait for Thursday to come so I can have a break. Well again I say, Giving Copper a Bath goes with Teaching CCD like Lamb & Tuna Fish!

Why I'm not supposed to be a youth minister...

I find myself right now in the midst of being a college grad, a clerk, a student, a Theology of the Body instructor, and a loser living with my parents at the age of 24. Sounds like a fantastic time huh? Well for a while I had been looking into Youth Minister positions and even interviewed for one. My favorite part of this interview was when I asked about how many of the youth actually came back after Confirmation to actually participate in this stuff (because the main focus of this job was to work with the post-Confirmed youth). Mind you, this parish confirms anywhere from 100-150 people a year. My answer came a little like this, "Uh, well we have a good group (as she turns to the other woman who was also interviewing me and talks in hushed tones coming up with a number). It's a good 6 or 7, maybe 8 kids." I was like 8? That's it? You are hiring a full time Youth Minister to work with 8 kids? Wow. That's really sad. Sad on both parts. Because here they are trying their damnedest to get across the word of God to these kids and it results with only about 8 or so caring about their faith enough to seek it out past gradu - I mean Confirmation. And sad on the part of the youth, that they don't care enough about their faith to want to take the journey farther than the CCD classroom.
Now as I'm teaching the Sophomores at my parish St. Mary of Mt. Carmel and our sister parish St. James, I have come into frustrations. When it comes to CCD you get two extremes. If you teach a lower grade like when I taught 4th grade before, they are so young that they're interested, but they don't really understand and you can't really go that deep with them. And once you get them at an age where you can go deeper and they understand more, THEY DON'T CARE!!! How frustrating for a Catechist to try to teach a class when you pretty much are teaching a wall. I am well aware of the whole, well if only one of them gets something out of it you've done good, but it has to be down heartening. I would feel that if I happened to get a job as a youth minister I'd just be frustrated by the fact that I felt like my work never resulted in anything worth my time. I like my work to be rewarding. I want to see something good come out of it or some progress and I feel as if I wouldn't find it there. Even as I work my crappier-than-thou job at the store, I at least feel like I'm making some progress and making things better and that's the kind of job I want. Something where I can see I'm making a difference, not only in Heaven, but here on Earth too. For now, I'll continue to teach the blank wall of students each Wednesday night, but my eyes are focused on the future of my Nursing Vocation, as I inch my way ever closer to it each day.

At What Point, Do The Results Of Choices Become Our Own?

So my title is a bit of a mouthful. This is because tonight I taught for the first time ever, The Theology of the Body. I am team teaching it with 2 other women and 2 other men. And there was a very, shall we say "touchy" subject that was discussed. That of homosexuality. Very controversial in the Catholic Church. So of course, as the Catechists, we had to try to explain it in the way the church teaches it. James said that we are teaching you what the Church teaches because I'm not going to Hell for you. He said that if he'd get up there right now and tell them that it was okay to be gay, then when he died, God would say to him, "James, why on September 8, 2010 did you tell the class of 10th Graders you were teaching The Theology of the Body to that homosexuality was okay? When in fact, you know it is wrong?" Because if we would teach it lightly, or not as the church does, they will go off and think it's okay, and tell others, and there on our consciences, would be the fact that now umpteen people think this is okay because we skewed the truth. So in essence, what I'm trying to address is "At what point do the results of choices become our own?" If James would've chosen to go lightly about this and be like, well I guess it's okay if you think it is, then the results of his choices become his sin with devastating effects. It's crazy what one little choice can do.
This makes teaching this class so difficult. I mean we have to be dead on with the facts and the teachings that we are not allowing these kids (yes, they are kids, only 15 and 16 year old kids) to go away and think what they heard is right. And if we do not speak and teach nothing but truth, they can go away thinking the Church teaches something that it in fact does not teach! I am now responsible for these 26 students, the very well being of their souls. Am I terrified? HELL YES!!! You better believe it! It's going to be so hard. Satan is going to be testing me to the brink of breaking! This is the time where I need to devote so much time to prayer because if I allow the enemy to taunt me, then I will fail not only these kids, but myself and my God. But this is a way to take what I have been given, my resources which are my armor, and use it to further the Kingdom of Heaven.
One of the hardest things will be for me to open up and be real with these kids. I mean telling them things I haven't told anyone. I think this is a way for me to heal more from my struggles with my past and how they are hindering my future. How I have made these mistakes and learned from them. How I am using them. But most importantly telling them that I wish I was told and made to understand this before I chose to let myself fall and sin. It would have been so beneficial to me to have learned this stuff so that I wouldn't have to deal with certain struggles every day of my life. I told them that those who have ears ought to hear. I wish I would've had this opportunity that they have because I would've been a lot better of a person if I had.

Chapter V

So as I look back on my life these past 24 years I kinda group it into 5 chapters. Chapter 1 was my life up to graduation high school. Chapter 2 was the 3 very interesting years I spent at UWSP. Chapter 4 was the 2 1/2 amazing years I spent at Franciscan. Chapter 4 was the time I spent at home being a bum. Finally I have approached chapter 5. That is starting Nursing School! FINALLY!!! But after this semester of one class, I don't know how long it will be before I start the core classes. So that means I need to do something useful with my life. And it may be moving, which I'm not entirely opposed to. So I hope chapter 5 is a better one. Cuz God knows chapter 4 was horribly sucky...

Ponder...

"I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth"
-Praise You In This Storm by Casting Crowns


I started this post about 20 days ago, and now I'll finish it. This is about my brother who is going through some crazy stuff right now. He is a witness for a murder trial. And it is driving him nuts. The only peace he gets is while he's at church. So I guess prayer is what he needs. I have been trying to do good with prayer. I have been doing alot of the daily scripture readings, but I don't really converse much with God. Now that I work at the WOW store, I am extremely close to St. Brons which means I can go to Thursday adoration after work. I'm really looking forward to it this week, I just need some quiet time with God, just to sit with him.

John 16:23

"Jesus Himself has expressly promised that our prayers shall be heard if only we ask them in His name through the Father. It is a mistake to imagine that consideration of or meditation on the eternal truths is a spiritual exercise reserved for those who have specially consecrated their lives to the service of God in the religious state. It is necessary for all the faithful. Let us recall our Lord's promise: 'Whatever you ask the Father in my name He will give to you.' -John 16:23 "

So one thing that I really struggled with early on in my faith was praying for myself. I felt it nothing less of selfish. There is no way that I should be asking God for these pitiful things of mine. I just took it upon myself to pray the prayers I've know since I was young and to pray for the petitions of others. When I think of it now, isn't praying for others selfish too if I believe that praying for something is selfish? It's odd that I had done that but I don't think I'm the only one who has struggled with those thoughts. This little reflection comes from my weekday Missal from Saturday of the 6th week of Easter. Yes, I am extremely behind in my scripture, but I am trying to catch up. But I don't want to just plow through it all, I'd rather take 2 or so a day and really think about what I am reading and not just read it to get it done. Thank God that I have come out of the lie that I shouldn't pray for myself. I now know that I should tell God EVERYTHING! Even when it's hard, and I do struggle coming to terms with some of my faults and failures. But through His mercy, I hope to someday be able to come to Him and say "I screwed up, and I'll probably screw up again. But I need your help! Please help me fix this."

...tested by fire...

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who in his great mercy gave us a new birth to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you who by the power of God are safeguarded through faith, to a salvation that is ready to be revealed in the final time. In this you rejoice, although now for a little while you may have to suffer through various trials, so that the genuineness of your faith, more precious than gold that is perishable even though tested by fire, may prove to be for praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Although you have not seen him you love him; even though you do not see him now yet you believe in him, you rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy, as you attain the goal of faith, the salvation of your souls." -1 Peter 1:3-9

So tomorrow I have an interview at St. Bron's for a Youth Minister Assistant position. So why am I up and it's about 4am? Haha! I don't know. What I do know is that I have been going through tremendous Spiritual Warfare since last week when I was told about my interview. It was coupled with the fact that I also lead the Teacher Night of Reflection last week. That's when the tension was at utmost insanity. My dad is like a ticking time bomb. Saying almost anything to make me crack. Oh I've been angry, but hadn't gone off the deep end - yet. You see, I know exactly what would make this all cool off. That would be to not interview, to not get involved with a job in the church or even attempt it. To just give up and find something else. But that's the beauty of it, I mean obviously it's something I need to do, whether or not I get the job, I think it'll be worth it. To defend that my degree was not a waste and that I do want to do whatever God is asking of me at the moment. These are the trials to suffer that Peter was speaking of in this scripture. Hopefully, when this time of interview and the verdict are over I will be able to rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy. It is a goal, and whether it's what I want or what God wants or both, I hope that in the end it was well worth the battle.

Pondering

"Even in the most difficult of circumstances, nothing is impossible for God. We should ever be aware that God abandons no one, no matter what his or her sin and weakness, if that person is truly repentant. How anxious God is to care for all of us. We need but come to Him as we do at Mass today." -Meditation from the 4th Thursday of Easter, St. Joseph Weekday Missal

Sometimes impossibility seems to be my specialty. Especially when it comes to my vocation in life. I mean, I'm pretty much convinced that I'm not supposed to go into religious life because right now, I don't find any comfort in that. And it just seems out of place for the right reasons that are unexplainable. So then there are two other options: Single life and Married life. I feel like when it comes to this, I get jipped. So this is one of my biggest struggles right now. But even in this difficult circumstance, I have to remember that it is true. For nothing is impossible for God. I have to learn to just trust and come to him.

Matthew 5:16

"So let your light shine before men, that they may see your works and glorify your Father who is in Heaven." -Matthew 5:16

So I am heading up another retreat. Well it's not really a retreat, more like a prayer service. And it's for the Teacher's end of the year meeting. So I've had a few ideas bounce around in my head, but not many whatsoever. My main thing is to incorporate our Lady's virtues into it somehow. But I don't necessarily want to give a 'teaching'. So here's what I've come up with so far. Start by processing in with the Virgin Mary statue to singing the Magnificat song. Then mayhaps bring in her Virtues. I've started the Consecration Preparation For The Triumphant Victory of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. In it is a Chaplet of 7 of her Virtues. I thought it would be beautiful to pray that together. But to explain, I have not the foggiest idea. So then I thought "Maybe I could talk about something on my European excursions. I had visited 3 Marian Apparition sites. And 2 of them are where this Consecration is coming from: Fatima & Medjugorge. But I can't come up with anything. Then I think of Our Lady of Knock and how her message was silent, yet most powerful to me. I could talk about how her virtues emulate through her and bring her closer to her son. And we must do the same, and when we do that, we also will start to point to her son. Mayhaps this is a good start. Ponder...then mom wants to pray over the teachers, but I'm not allowed cuz I'll 'scare' them by speaking in tongues. Ha, the cruel humor, I can't pray to God in the language of perfect prayer.

Ramblings & Such...

In the Gospel from the Tuesday of the 4th week of Easter we hear Jesus saying this, "The works I do in my Father's name testify to me. But you do not believe because you are not among my sheep." -John 19. Sometimes I wonder when reading scripture like this if I am really among the chosen or am I going to be like one of the Jews who are not among Christ's sheep. They are asking Him why He can't right out and say who He is and tell them everything. They say that He keeps them in suspense. This is something that I ask too sometimes, especially when I want to hear an answered prayer plain as day, black and white. No more of that waiting around thinking is that the answer? But then if Christ did not drag us along a little or confuse us, use parables, etc. How boring would it get? I mean this requires us to pray more. To seek Him out more and more often. If every time we prayed to Him about something and immediately He gave an answer that was right to the point, then where would that need for trust and praying to Him more fervently? He wants us to come to Him a lot! To Him it is black and white but we must seek out what He is saying to us. And it is so much fun to do that. To fall in love with going to Him day in and day out not knowing when it's going to hit us and we are like DUH!! That's what He is telling me. Christ is just awesome in that way and I love that He loves me in my ramblings, like right now.

Psalm 42:3a

So I haven't read any scripture yet, but I decided to write on the Psalm from the day I'm reading. As I am still very far behind, I am on Monday of the 4th week of Easter, or April 26th to be more exact. So what is the Psalm for that day? Why it's Psalm 42:3a "Athirst is my soul for the living God." What does that mean to me? Well for starters yesterday I had the chance to go to confession at St. Peter's in Steubenville. I know that those priests are true gifts from God. They always make you feel welcome to Confession. I mean, come on, I struggle to get myself to go. Then it's the same old same old. I really didn't do anything that bad. But I've waited 2 hours to go to confession there last year. Yesterday I waited a bit over an hour. I wanted-no I longed to hear the words of Jesus as he helps me overcome my own sinfulness. Not to say I don't hear him elsewhere, but here is a place where I fell in love with the Sacrament of Penance. My soul was thirsty for freedom and I found that in the priest I confessed my sins to. I love the fact that these men act In Persona Christi because I get to have a conversation with Jesus and he is physically talking back to me. One piece of advice Jesus told me yesterday was that we often make mistakes, but the fact that we recognize them and bring them before God is a step in the right direction. It's good to hear this being back in "The Bubble" because I no longer have the bubble effect keeping me in check. Now it's me and only myself keeping me in check. Now I just need to learn how to recognize my mistakes more often and want to correct them for the good of myself in order to build up the body of Christ.

Prom

So today I did updo's to two of my cousins hair for prom. First Megan then Kassandra. I also worked for Aunty Juliette doing inventory for their new business "WOW Back To The Country Store" which everything we did was 'strictly confidential'. Well I don't know how counting and boxing can be that but whatever. I was grateful for the extra money to drive to school next week. Anna H. told me that "See how God provides?" So I'm very thankful for that.
Well still being far behind in my scripture, today I read from the Tuesday of the 3rd week of Easter. I still can't believe Easter was 3 weeks ago. I thought Lent flew, Easter is going a crap ton faster. What stuck out to me was from the Gospel. John 6:30-35. In it Jesus does His "Amen, Amen I say to you." When Jesus says that, He means business. Today He said that we can not live on bread alone, but He is the bread of life, who comes to Him will live forever. It makes me very happy that tomorrow is Sunday and I get to receive Him in the Eucharist. Yay for nourishment!!!

Blogging Again

Once upon a time I used to blog. Sometimes it'd be quite frequently. Then not so much. So why start again? To improve my prayer life. You see, I am a graduate of Franciscan University of Steubenville. And anyone who is an Alumnus like myself knows of the "bubble" effect. Well I've since left the bubble and know what it is to live my Catholic faith outside of it permanently. I want to be a good Catholic and the basic building to that is a strong foundation rooted in prayer. It's like Haslow's hierarchy of needs. The basic building blocks are those things in which a human being needs to survive. These are the physiological blocks such as air, water, food, shelter. This is also true for a Catholic. Air is like the Holy Spirit. Water is those which you are reborn into, those life-giving waters in which Christ said to the woman at the well "the water from this well will make you thirst again, but the water I will give you will quench your thirst forever. Food is the sustenance of the Eucharist. Shelter is that prayer which grounds you and keeps you safe.
In the fall of 2009 I was fortunate to participate in the FUS study abroad program in Gaming, Austria. My favorite part was that Jesus, present in the Eucharist was available 24/7 and it was a 5 minute walk from my room. I fell in love with visiting him every night and I found myself having to make myself leave otherwise I just wanted to sit with Him a while longer. I have since lost that privilege of living with our Lord. So my prayer life went down the toilet. During Lent I re-vamped it. I read the daily scripture, I read a meditation from the Passion of Mark everyday and re-consecrated myself to our Lady through the preparation of St. Louis Marie Grignon de Montfort. Well now it's the Easter season and I have been sucking at this. I have for my daily prayers besides my conversation with God the daily scriptures and a meditation from the Gospel of Luke on the Resurrection narrative. I am now 5 days behind. So my goal for this blog is to write about this scripture. To reflect on it. I really hope it helps.